


The Note

by jensmishiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Feels, Bad ass Cas, Bullying, Coming Out, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel feels, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, First Kiss, Gay Bashing, Gay Castiel, Gay Panic, High School, Love Letters, M/M, Popular Dean, Secret Admirer, Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 03:10:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2492288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jensmishiel/pseuds/jensmishiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is cocky, arrogant, and could care less about relationships. He has girls at his feet willing to give him what he needs, whenever he needs it. His world is turned upside down when an anonymous suitor leaves a note inside his locker, causing feelings Dean never felt before to come to the surface. Dean is desperate to find his suitor, but how will the very straight older Winchester react when he finds out the anon who wooed him turned out to be none other than a male?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Note

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, friends! I posted this on FF but thought it might be enjoyed here also. I'm not finished writing it but when I post a new chapter to FF, I will add it here as well. I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it! :)

It all started with a note. That stupid fucking note. If you asked Dean Winchester a couple of months ago if he would be chasing a ghost, a mystery, a fantasy, he would have laughed in your face. He had zero issues getting a date. He was admired, and for good reason. If you looked up "Greek God" in the dictionary, you would be greeted with a photo of Dean. Dean was glorious. His face looked like it was chiseled out of marble. All bright, captivating deep green eyes, plump perfectly shaped lips, perfectly coiffed dirty blonde hair and a body that made males and females alike weak in the knees. He was captivating, with his bad boy persona and devil may care attitude. He never had to worry about getting a date and always had the upper hand in relationships, well, hook-ups. Dean didn't do the relationship thing, never felt the need for it. If he wanted a warm body in his bed, he would call one of the girls on the long list of people willing to give him some affection. He was content and pleased with being single, enjoying his freedom. Nobody ever caught his attention enough to make him consider anything more than a quick fuck, that is until that fucking note.

It was a regular crisp fall day at school, Dean was in his junior year and things were good. It was the kind of day he woke up feeling good, opting to walk to school with his little brother Sam, a freshman, instead of taking his beloved classic Chevy Impala. He loved this weather, seeing the normally beautiful green leaves turn into even more beautiful golds, scarlets and varied shades of brown. Fall had always been his favorite season, not only for the weather but for the abundance of apple and pumpkin pies his wonderful mother would bake. Any season that upped his monthly pie intake was just perfect by him.

The walk to school was pleasant. It was about a 20 minute walk from his family home to his brother and his high school, so it wasn't too strenuous of an adventure for the two brothers. When they had arrived, Dean ruffled his little brother's hair much to his brothers annoyance, before his brother ran off to meet up with his small group of equally nerdy friends. Sam, as Dean would put it, a genius. He was a favorite of the teachers of the school and was often praised for his intelligence and eagerness to learn. Dean would never say it out loud, but he was proud of his little brother, often bragging about him to anyone who brought him up.

Dean entered the school, heading over to his locker. He had math first period and needed to grab his text book. He wasn't nearly as smart as Sam and didn't care much about his education, but he needed to maintain a decent grade in order to protect his spot on the football team. He loved football almost as much as he loved pie. Almost. He was the teams quarterback, and due to his athleticism and unshakable determination, he won them a lot of games.

As Dean was opening his locker, he felt his phone vibrate. He fished it out of his pocket and unlocked it to reveal a text message from Lisa, a girl he was seeing. Most people thought Dean and Lisa were a couple, but to him it was just about the sex. He enjoyed her company and considered he a friend, but when he told her he didn't want anything deeper than a friendship, she agreed and offered to be friends with benefits. He didn't object, obviously, Lisa was a babe. Long, shiny brown hair, pretty brown eyes and a killer body. Nobody really knew the details of their agreement, so when they would kiss publicly or walk with their arms around each other, their schoolmates would just assume they were an item. The labels didn't bother Dean much, he wasn't one to care about rumors or high school politics, so he just let the people talk and assume. No sweat off his brow, and all that. He smiled to himself as he read the message.

**Home sick in bed, wish you were here to take a hot bath with me ;)**

**-Lisa.**

He grinned letting the text fill his mind with filthy thoughts. Lisa could be such a tease.

**That could be arranged, later ;)  
Txt me after school, got class.**

**-Dean.**

Dean shoved his phone back into his pocket, unlocking his locker and opening it. He sighed as a folded piece of paper fell to the floor. He was never good with organizing his stuff so he had assumed it was a stray piece of paper slipping from his over stuffed locker. He picked it up, his brow furrowing in confusion. On the front of the paper stood his name in bold letters. Someone had shoved a note into his locker apparently. Curiosity got the best of him and he opened up the letter, written in black pen, with perfect penmanship.

_Dean,_

_I'm not entirely sure how these things are supposed to go, and I had internally battled with myself, continually debating on whether or not I should write this. In the end, I had decided to push myself to do it, I mean, what can I lose, correct?_

_This is new territory for me, you see, as I had never felt an attraction to another person until you came along. I'm not certain how to express myself, but I'll give it a go._

_I like you, Dean. Why I do, I'm not sure. We have spoke a handful of times, just exchanging banter about school work and such. Other than that, you had payed me no mind. That's okay, though. Because I'm not sure I want you to know I exist, for it would just make things more difficult._

_You are a remarkable man, Dean. And I admire you. I have found myself watching you, not in a creepy manner, but just a glance here and there. Has anyone told you how beautiful you were, Dean? Who am I kidding, of course people have. I just thought I would remind you._

_I hope you are not thrown off or spooked about this note, but I felt as if my head would implode if I didn't give myself the chance to tell you how handsome I thought you were. How incredible I think you are. I needed to get it off my chest and it appears that I have, and I feel better. I just wanted to tell you in print what I would not have the courage to tell you in person._

_Have a day as wonderful as you, Dean Winchester._

_\- Anon._

  
Dean stared at the note and re-read it, then re-read it again. He knew people had the hots for him and wanted to be with him, but something about that note made his heart skip a beat. The person who wrote it seemed to be intelligent, far too intelligent than the people he knew. Despite being highly sought after by the girls of his school, and being told on a fairly regular basis how "hot" and "sexy" he was, he didn't have the confidence and self-esteem that he made people believe he did. He was constantly beating himself up, telling himself he wasn't good enough. The confidence was a facade, but nobody would ever be able to tell. He carried himself quite well. He had never believed the shallow compliments he received, and deep down he knew if he didn't have his looks, nobody would find him worth their while. But something about that note stuck with him. Whoever wrote it seemed so sincere. So unlike anybody he had ever encountered before. He mentally flipped through the list of people he knew, the girls who would hit on him, the ones who would give him shy smiles, but he came up empty. He hadn't had the slightest clue about who wrote the wonderful note. He folded the note carefully and pushed it into his pocket, not wanting to lose it in the sea of papers in his locker. He finally snapped back to reality and fished his math text book out, closing his locker before turning down the hall to mosey on down to class. As he took his seat, his mind wandered. He felt the note burn in his pocket, wanting to read it over and over again. He decided at that moment that he would make it his mission to find out who the mystery writer was, because apparently, some girl had it  _bad_ him.

Unknown to him, the mystery writer was not an enamored girl with a huge crush. It was not a girl at all.

OoO

He tapped his pen repeatedly against his desk. It was nearing midnight and he was growing sleepy, but his mind would not let him rest. He had always had an attraction to Dean Winchester. But who didn't? It was easy enough to ignore the first 2 years of high school, but then that changed. It was an innocent encounter, but it sparked his attraction to Dean into a full fledged crush.

He was walking down the hall when he felt a pair of large hands shove against his back, sending him flying forward. His hands luckily saved his face from meeting the cold unforgiving floor, but his hands and knees crashed forcefully against the concrete, sending a shock of pain surging through his lithe body. He heard the bullies snicker, he recognized the voices as those of Rufus Turner and Adam Milligan, two goons who played on the football team.

"Bet that's not the first time you've been on your hands and knees for a dude" Adam teased, earning an obnoxious laugh from Rufus.

He sighed, feeling his face grow hot. He was embarrassed, but that was the norm. He was an easy target for bullies. If it wasn't for his best friends and his brother, he was certain he would fall victim to depression. He just kept telling himself he was better than the bullies, that they only pick on him to keep their own securities at bay. He was startled out of his thought process when he heard an unmistakable voice.

"Hey, leave him alone, guys. Don't be a dick. We have a game on Friday, do you want to get suspended and miss it?"

He heard his tormentors utter a "no".

A hand stretched out to him, and he absent mindedly took it, being hauled up with strength. He stumbled forward at the force, but stopped when he felt a strong pair of arms grip his waist. Heat shot through his body as he looked up and his eyes met the alluring eyes of none other than Dean Winchester. His cheeks flushed and he quickly pulled away, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck.

"I uh...I'm sorry" he offered pathetically.

He heard Dean chuckle, and what a sweet sound that was.

"Don't sweat it. You okay, kid?" Dean asked, sincerity in his voice.

He nodded awkwardly.

"Please don't tell the principle about this, as douchey as they are, we need them on the team for the game on Friday"

Oh.

That was the only reason Dean had come to his aid. To take one for the team. Regardless, he found himself nodding.

"I won't".

Dean smiled, his perfect white teeth practically shining. His breath hitched when Dean clasped his shoulder in his hand, resting it there for a moment before dropping it.

"Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I'll try to get them off your case, just don't pay attention to them"

"Thank you, Dean"

Dean suddenly looked uncomfortable.

"Uh, I'm sorry, I don't remember your name.." Dean said awkwardly, obviously embarrassed.

He felt stupid, but continued talking anyway.

"Oh, that's alright. My name is-"

He was cut off when a girl he knew to be Lisa Braeden ran down the hall, grabbing Dean's arm and pulling him along.

"Come on, I got a new car, you have to see it!" Lisa beamed.

He watched as Dean allowed himself to be pulled away and he let out a silent sigh. He knew that Dean and Lisa were a thing, but he tried not to let it bother him. Instead opting to focus on the warm feelings surging through his body. It may have been for personal gain but Dean had protected him and it felt nice.

So nice that it lead him to sit in a computer chair for hours, tapping his pen against his desk, contemplating on whether or not to take the plunge at almost midnight. He battled with himself, wondering if it was worth it but he came to the conclusion that there was nothing to lose, and that way he could get his feelings off his chest without making an ass out of himself. He knew Dean was ruler-straight so this would be his only chance to tell him how he felt and save face at the same time.

The next day at school he came early. The halls were empty and there was almost no students at the school yet. It took all his courage to quickly saunter up to Dean's locker and slip the note inside the small slits in the metal. "No turning back now" he thought to himself as the note slipped in. He looked around to make sure nobody was watching and quickly retreated back outside. He breathed a sigh of relief and smiled when he seen his best friend Kevin run up to him.

"What are you doing here so early?" he asked his friend.

"I got bored and I was already ready so I decided to just come. What about you?" Kevin asked.

"Oh you know, same reason."

Kevin laughed, slinging his arm around his shoulder in a friendly gesture.

"You are a strange one, Castiel Novak"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm rating this fic "M" for later chapters, because it is a matter of time before the smutty goodness starts to flow, and all that.   
> Anyhow, hope you enjoy this next chapter :)

A long week had gone by since Dean had received the note that ended up consuming his thoughts. He was becoming slightly irritated, the more time went by. At first he was enamoured with the note, but he quickly became frustrated with it. He found himself giving everyone a second take, wondering if they were the one who wrote it. It was cruel, he thought, to leave a note of that magnitude in his locker with the pretense of never contacting him again. The anonymous writer was obviously shy, and uncomfortable expressing their feelings, as stated in the note itself, but _come on!_  They couldn't just leave him hanging like that.  
He had nothing to go by, no way to contact the writer. He was almost tempted to just stand up on the table in the cafeteria in front of the entire student body and demand who ever wrote the note to come forward, and show their face. Obviously that wouldn't have been an ideal idea, since the anonymous suitor wanted to make himself unknown. He spent that long, dreadful week brainstorming ideas on how to track down this anonymous person, and after a frustrating week, the light bulb in his head went off. It was a long shot, but he decided to take to social media to grab the attention of the mystery writer. Surely they would see the post, and if not, at least hear about it. Dean most of the school on his FaceBook, and due to his social status in the school, word would spread fast, at some point reaching his anon. He tried not to be hopeful as he logged into his FaceBook, ignoring the 12 messages he had in his inbox, the 23 friend requests and the 16 notifications opting instead to click eagerly in the status box.

OoO

It was Sunday and Cas was hanging out with his closest friends Jo, Garth, Chuck and Kevin at his house. His parents rarely minded the close-knit group often gathering at the Novak house, it was a regular occurrence and with his own entertainment center in his room, it was the idea spot to hang out. Cas and his family weren't hurting for money, not by a long shot. His father Jimmy was a neurosurgeon and his mother Amelia was a gynecologist, so both made a pretty penny and him and his younger brother Gabriel rarely went without. They were both spoiled, but unlike his brother, Castiel did not care much for material items, never bragging about his family's wealth and never showing off. If his family were to go poor, he wouldn't care. He insisted to his parents that he did not need a 50 inch TV in his room, or the newest game consoles, or the most high tech phone, but his parents insisted. They loved their two children and since Jimmy had grown up an only child to a single mother struggling to make ends meet, he vowed to himself that he would never let his children go without. Castiel appreciated their efforts, and when they told him that just accepting their gifts would make them happy, Cas gave in and let them spoil him. During his freshman year, he could have had a chance to become popular. People knew about his family and their wealthiness and wanted to get close to him to take advantage of that, and when he chose instead to sit with Kevin, Chuck, Garth and Jo at lunch instead of the "popular" group of kids consisting of Dean, Rufus, Adam, Ruby, Michael and Lisa, the popular kids took it personally and that's when the years of ridicule and bullying began. He didn't care though, just happy that he had a group of friends who liked him for him and not his family's money.

The group of friends were sitting in his large bedroom, engaging in various activities. Chuck and Kevin were playing some violent video game that Cas didn't care for, Garth was playing on Castiel's iPad, Cas was sketching in his art book and Jo was on the laptop, browsing the web. He felt his heart skip a beat as Jo interrupted the comfortable silence.

"Oh wow, looks like Dean Winchester has a secret admirer" she laughed.

"What?" Cas asked.

"Who cares?" Garth laughed.

"How do you know?" Kevin asked, not peeling his eyes away from the TV screen.

Jo just chuckled at her friend's responses.

"He posted a status on FaceBook, asking his anonymous suitor to come forward."

Cas felt his palms start to sweat, he took a deep breath calming himself down to mask the anxiousness that had washed over him, not wanting to give himself away.

"What did the status say?" Cas asked, feeling a wave of relief when his voice came out casual, and not flustered. Jo cleared her throat obnoxiously as if she was about to give a speech to the president.

"To whoever left that note in my locker, I'd like to thank you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and I'd like to know who you are. Come on, come out of hiding. I promise I don't bite." Jo said, trying to imitate Dean's manly voice. Cas felt like the air was taken from his lungs. Dean had not only read his letter, but he had enjoyed it. Dean was surely no stranger to being admired, so what made his note so different that the usual praise he received? He furrowed his brow, thinking deeply. He ideally wanted to ignore the plea of Dean's status, let it go and let Dean go on without another word from him. But he was curious now, maybe Dean had received another note from someone else, perhaps that's who Dean was speaking about. He had to know, and he decided that after his friends left that night, he would pen another letter.

OoOo

The next day Dean wasn't too shocked to have a couple of girls come up to him and confess to him as the mystery writer. He had quizzed them and asked them about the contents of the note and none of them could answer. He should have known posting that status would cause a ruckus, but he had to at least give it a try. If there was that 1% chance he could find the writer, he had to take it.  
He sighed and made his way to his locker, dreading the long, boring math class that awaited him. He unlocked his locker and unsurprisingly a couple of notes fell out. It seemed that now the girls who pursued him before have now taken to trying to win his affections by writing love letters. He sifted through the notes, a jolt of excitement surging through his veins as his eyes fell on the familiar neat penmanship of his admirer. He crumpled the rest of the letters and threw them in his locker and looked around the halls to make sure nobody was watching him. He didn't want to be caught reading from the person he couldn't get off his mind. And surely enough, since he was already late for class, the hallways were deserted. He took a deep breath and opened the letter.

_Hello, Dean.  
It has come to my attention that you were interested in a note that was left in your locker. I had heard from the grapevine and felt as if my heart swelled when I heard you couldn't get your mind off of said note. I allowed myself to feel a moment of happiness but then it dawned on me that you are no stranger to being admired. Perhaps you were enthused with an additional note you may have received. I was silly in thinking that I would be the only one who thought to write you a note, but I had to know, if it had been my note that you couldn't stop thinking of._

_It had taken a great deal of courage to write to you, and while I'm certain I will never reveal my identity to you, I would be elated if I knew my words had a positive effect on you. You have rarely given me the time of day before, so this would be a small victory for me. To just know that such a fascinating, perfect specimen of a man had been wooed by my words would mean a great deal to me._

_I'm sorry if I am not the person you are looking for, and if it wasn't my note that you were referring to, I also apologize for wasting your time. Though I'm not entirely sure how I could get an answer to that question, I'd still like to know. Perhaps you could let me know on your Tumblr blog, I follow it, by the way, as I enjoy your taste in music and classic movies. A great blog from a great man, makes sense._

_So if it's not too much to ask, please let me know. If I am not the one you wanted, I vow to you that I will cease leaving you notes._

_Stay amazing, Dean._

_\- Anon._

Once again Dean was rendered speechless. He wanted to yell "OF COURSE IT'S YOU! THERE'S NOBODY ELSE WHO COULD MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY!" but opted against it, for it would draw some unnecessary attention his way. This mystery writer followed his Tumblr, that came to a surprise but it warmed his heart. They apparently had the same taste in music and movies, I mean could this anon get anymore endearing? He stared at the letter for what felt like days. That neat, perfect penmanship and the crisp white paper meaning more to him than most of possessions. He folded it neatly and tucked it away safely in his pocket, wanting to add it to the first note which sat in his shoe box of valuable things tucked under his bed. He vowed to himself that when he returned home that night, he would let his suitor know that nobody could effect him the same way those notes did.

_OoOo_

Castiel checked his Tumblr multiple times that day, feeling a pang of disappointment whenever he refreshed his dash to see no new posts from Dean. He was stupid to think that it was actually him that Dean liked. Well, not him, but his notes.  
He opted to just go home after school, and not hang with his group of friends. He felt a bit discouraged and wanted to be alone. He needed to catch up on some homework, anyway so it would offer him a much needed distraction from his own thoughts.  
When he got home, he sauntered to the kitchen, reading a note his mother had left. _  
_

_Castiel,_

_Dad's in surgery for a few more hours and I got called in on an emergency. Will try to be home tonight. Order you and your brother a pizza, and I'm sorry I couldn't cook for you guys tonight.  
I love you and your brother and be good, no fighting, keep Gabe in check and if I don't get called in tomorrow, I will make your favorite for dinner tomorrow._

_Love you, honey._

_Love, mom._

Cas smiled to himself. His parents weren't around as much as he would like them to be but he understood that they both had demanding jobs, and that they were helping people, saving them. They always made it up to him and Gabriel if they were gone too long or had to cancel on a dinner or a birthday. He loved his parents and admired their hard work. He hoped some day he could grow up to be like them. Gabriel wasn't due home for another couple of hours, as he knew he had swim practice. He was on the swim team along with Dean's younger brother Sam, and the two younger boys would often hang out for a bit after swim practice. Cas grabbed an apple off of the bowl of fruit sitting on the kitchen island, padding back upstairs to his room, flopping onto his comfortable bed. He sunk his teeth into the sweet juicy fruit and started up his laptop to get a start on his homework. He decided to quick check his email, FaceBook and Tumblr before starting, and when he scrolled down the recent posts on his Tumblr dash, he almost choked on his apple. He blinked his eyes, rubbing them to see if he was seeing correctly. Dean had posted, and Cas's heart raced. He wanted to read the post but at the same time he didn't. What if his letter isn't what Dean wanted? Could he handle the rejection after getting his hopes up? He knew he should just man up and read it. He knew nothing would come from his note to Dean and only gave him one to ease his own feelings. He knew Dean was straight and he knew he would have most likely blown the note off as another infatuated little girl with a crush. He took a deep breath and read the post.

_"_ _To just know that such a fascinating, perfect specimen of a man had been wooed by my words would mean a great deal to me."  
_ ___**To the person who wrote this to me, I want you to know it was you I was referring to. Don't for a second doubt the effect your words have on me, my dear anon. Nobody could replicate those words if they tried. You told me you had no intentions of making yourself known, but I have to ask you why. What are you so afraid of? I'd like to get to know you. You have an interesting mind and a way with words that makes even the might Dean Winchester blush, haha.  
Hope to hear from you soon, anon.** _

_**C**_ as read the post three times over. He felt giddy. Dean liked his letters, Dean wanted to get to know him. Maybe if he just made himself known...  
Cas stopped his train of thought there. He was getting ahead of himself. Dean probably imagined his admirer as a beautiful, mysterious, sultry, intelligent woman. He knew from years of observing Dean's behavior that if he found out he was so intrigued with the notes that the nerdy, homosexual Castiel Novak wrote, he would blow a gasket. Not only that but if the 0.01% chance Dean still wanted to get to know him after he found out, the school would be in an uproar. He sighed in defeat. Feelings suck. He decided to write Dean one last note to tell him he can never be known, and to tell him that the notes would stop. So instead of starting up on his homework, he started on a fresh new note for Dean.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to thank ya'll for the kudos and the comments, I'm really happy you're enjoying this :D 
> 
> Carry on!

Dean happily strolled to his locker early the next morning, feeling slightly excited. He had hoped his mystery writer had seen his Tumblr post, and had agreed to reveal their identity. He wanted, no  _needed,_ to get to know his admirer. The way the anon wrote was beautiful and intelligent, and he had no doubt that he would love the anon even more if he got to meet them. Of course the thought crossed his mind that anon was less than attractive, but for once in his usually shallow life, he found himself willing to give the anon a chance even if they weren't very aesthetically pleasing. He figured in this case, personality overcame physical appearance. Those letters opened up a side of himself he didn't even know existed, a side that craved love, and affection. His friends often teased him over his obsession in finding his suitor, telling him that he's grown soft and to grow a pair. Lisa was less than impressed that Dean was investing all his time in a complete stranger. They still slept together, but it lacked the same passion it used to. More often than not, Dean would roll off of her half way through sex, sigh and apologize to her, telling her it didn't feel right anymore. If Dean would have to choose another downfall of these notes other than the obvious fact of not knowing who in the hell wrote them, it would be his lack of sexual interest in other people, but he figured it was a small price to pay to feel the warmth run through his body when he read the sweet words of his beloved anon. And that's what made today's note even more confusing and upsetting. He had opened his locker, smiling at the familiar stationary falling to the floor. He picked it up and leaned against his locker, opening the note up.

_Hello, Dean._

_I must admit I was elated to know the effect my writing has on you. Writing my first note was simply a form of release for me, as to avoid repressing my feelings for a seemingly untouchable man. I needed you to know the adoration I have for you, the longing to kiss those beautiful, impeccable lips of yours, to wrap my arms around your perfect body, to feel the warmth of that flawless skin against my own. I could tell you, I would die a very happy person if just once, even for a fraction of a second, get to feel that. But sadly, the world does not work like that._

_I am enamored with you and you occupy the majority of my thoughts, and the mere fact that you feel something for these notes makes my head spin and my heart skip a beat. But this is why I cannot write to you anymore. I'm afraid I have set myself up for hurt. I was simply hoping you would read my note and dispose of it, not get my hopes up with the false dream of one day being with you._

_What do I have to be afraid of, you ask? Well, a lot, actually. I know you well enough to know you wouldn't take too kindly about finding out my identity. Not only that, but there is the constant ridicule that your "friends" would bestow upon you if the discovered the truth about who you got excited over._

_It an inevitable heartbreak for me, and an embarrassment for you. Please do not try to convince me otherwise, because I know, with no doubt, that I am not who you would want. Enjoy your time with Lisa, Dean. I shouldn't have distracted you from her, anyway and I apologize for that. I see you two kiss in the hallways and it feels as if someone shoved their hand in my chest and dug their fingers into my heart. It hurts and I seethe with jealously, but even I have to admit you two make a pretty pair. She is smitten with you and you look quite content with her also. So it may pain me to see you with her, touch her where I wish you could touch me, kiss her lips when I long for them to be my lips you kiss, but I do enjoy seeing you happy and so I do wish you luck with her._

_This will be the last time you hear from me, my sweet Dean. Please don't try to over think it. You will always be in my heart and I hope one day I can find myself someone even a fraction as amazing as you are._

_Keep smiling, Dean. It looks good on you._

_Yours,_

_Anon._

Dean couldn't seem to comprehend anything after he had read the note. Once again his admirer had wooed him with his beautiful words, made his cheeks flush when he read that his anon wished to kiss him, to touch him, but he also felt a stab of confusion and hurt wash through him. He honestly didn't understand why his anon was so terrified to make themselves known. The thought of never reading another note like the ones he received previously made him feel a sense of loss even though he never met the person. He needed to try to convince his anon to come forward, promise them that he wouldn't laugh or judge or even be disappointed. This couldn't be the end, it had barely even begun. He dejectedly sighed and pushed the folded note into the pocket of his jeans. The warning bell had rung to signal the students to get a move on and make it to class, and he took off down the hallway toward his first period class. He was distracted, his mind racing trying to figure out what step to take next when his body collided with another, sending him stumbling back and causing the other person to fall to the floor, his binder exploding with papers as it made contact with the floor.

"Hey, watch where you're going man!" Dean said harsher than he meant to. He glared down at the other guy he bumped into, before storming off again to head to class, not bothering to help the slightly smaller man up, or help gather the papers that now littered the hallway. He was in too much of a bad mood to deal with some nervous looking kid and even though he knew he was being a dick, he didn't allow himself to feel bad before he had stormed off.

OoO

Cas was hurrying off to his first class. He had physics and he was rather pleased with that, it was a subject he was quiet good at and he shared it with Kevin and Jo, which made the time pass pleasantly. He rounded the corner and his body connected with what felt like a brick wall, sending him flying back, his binder seemingly vomiting all his school work onto the floor.

"Hey, watch where you're going man!" he heard an angry voice say. He knew that voice. He looked up and saw Dean glaring at him, and if looks could kill he's certain he would be on his way to the morgue. As he was about to apologize, Dean stormed off without bothering to help him up, leaving him on the floor in an endless sea of stray papers. It was that moment when any guilt about ending this back and forth thing he had going with Dean had squandered. He had made the right choice. The way Dean looked at him like an inconvenience and an annoyance confirmed his own beliefs that Dean would be sickened if he found out that Cas had been behind the beautiful words. Cas gathered his papers and raced off to his class, feeling not only the physical blow of this bump in with Dean but the emotional one as well. For a fleeting moment he thought Dean would maybe accept him, it was a pipe dream but there was a fraction of a fraction of hope, that all dissipated the second Dean's eyes bore nothing but irritation and anger toward him. There was nothing else in that stare. Just frustration and anger. Normally Cas never let an encounter like the one he had with Dean bother him. Dean's idiot friends would "bump" into him all the time and leave him to dive after his scattered papers before they got lost of ruined, and he would just shrug it off and go about his day. But this, this encounter with Dean  _hurt._ It was a blessing in disguise, he told himself. It just made ending the notes to Dean a lot less difficult. But he needed to make sure, be 100% that Dean would never want him. And when lunch came around, he enlisted the help of his trusty younger brother Gabriel.

He was sitting at his usual table with his friends in the cafeteria when his younger brother plopped down in the seat in front of him. Cas raised an eyebrow at Gabriel.  
"What are you doing here?"

"Sam has the flu and I don't want to sit with anybody else. People are starting to ask me to buy their lunches for them and it's fucking annoying." Gabe complained. Cas just chuckled.

"Language, baby brother. You can sit with us. On one condition."

Gabriel smiled. He was all for conditions.

"What is it, Cassy?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I dare you to go up to Dean Winchester and say "What would you do if you found out a guy had a crush on you?"

Gabriel tilted his head- a Novak trait in confusion and Jo, Kevin, Garth and Chuck all gave him a questioning look.

"Why would you even want to know, Cas?" Jo asked suspiciously.

Castiel just let out a small laugh, trying to appear nonchalant and cool as a cucumber.

"I'm just bored and it would be entertaining to see mister alpha male's reaction to something like that." Cas said casually, mentally patting himself on the back when he came off non suspicious.

Gabriel took the bait and laughed. He was all for fucking with people so he eagerly agreed. Dean's table was the one in front of Cas's and so it would be pretty easy to hear the conversation. Gabriel stood up, winking at his brother before walking over to Dean's table. Cas and his friends remained silent, eager to hear what would turn out to be an uncomfortable conversation.

"Hey, Dean-o!" he heard Gabe greet.

Dean looked mildly annoyed.

"Can I help you, Gabe? I already told you Sam will be back when he's better."

"Oh, it's not about Sam. I was just wondering, Dean-o. What would you do if you found out a guy had a crush on you?"  
Gabriel asked it so casually, Cas wondered how he could manage not to burst out laughing. One of Dean's friends, Adam, spit his juice out at the question, starting to laugh.

"Why you got the hots for him, little Novak?" Adam teased. Gabriel gave him the finger before turning his attention back on Dean.

"I do not, totally not my type."

Dean looked  _really_ annoyed now and a part of Cas regrets getting his brother to do this.

"Why do you want to know, Gabe?"

"Because I do. Maybe I know someone who likes you. Who happens to be a dude."

"Well then I'd say too fucking bad for that someone. I'm not gay. I'm not bi-sexual. Hell I'm not even remotely curious. That's disgusting, Gabriel. I don't care if other people are gay but you couldn't pay me to even kiss a guy. That shits gross." Dean scoffed.

Castiel felt his heart shatter. He knew he should have been prepared for Dean's answer but didn't anticipate it hurting so bad. Dean would think he's gross. The fantasy of kissing those plump, soft looking lips was so far out of reach it might as well be galaxies away. Rejection, no matter how unintentional, fucking sucked.

OoO

_**Anon,** _

_**I got your letter today. I'm sorry you feel like you can't trust me but I promise you I won't care who you are, I'll just be happy to know who you are. Please don't give up on this, whatever it is. This is the first time I ever felt a connection to someone, even if it is someone I don't know. Me and Lisa aren't together, never were, I love her as a friend but you're the only person I'm interested in getting to know romantically. I want to know who you are, I really do. I want to put a face to the person who makes me feel. Just give me a chance to prove I can be the guy you say I am in your notes. I wpn't reject you or hurt you, I promise.  
I hope to hear from you tomorrow. I really do.** _

Cas read Dean's latest Tumblr post when he got home that night. It made him feel terrible. If his encounter with an obviously uninterested Dean didn't take place earlier that day _,_ he almost would have believed Dean's words. He felt so stupid for ever thinking that Dean would accept him. He did the only thing he could to make himself feel a little bit better. He went to Dean's Tumblr profile and clicked the "unfollow" button.

OoO

The next morning Dean once again hurried to his locker feeling the now normal feeling of anticipation surge through him. He was certain that his words would have made his anon want to reply. His anon adored him, he surely wouldn't let this go so easily. He opened his locker eagerly and furrowed his brow when no note fell out. He dove into his locker, lifting up random pieces of paper, searching every crevice of his locker to make sure he didn't miss it. There was no note. He thought for a moment that maybe his suitor was away sick and couldn't respond that day, and would leave a note tomorrow. His hopes were soon dashed as the next day came and there was no note. The day after that bared no note also. Finally a week went by and not one sign of a note was found. He pleaded on his Tumblr for his anon not to abandon him, but never got a note in return. He noticed 2 people had unfollowed him, Lisa, and he didn't know the second person was. He assumed that his anon had stopped following him. But, why? Something was up here. Was this all just a big joke? Or was it real? Why won't his anon talk to him? He couldn't answer any of these questions but all he knew was that he felt terrible. He had lost something he never had.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter but, hey. Whatcha gonna do, right? Hope you all enjoy :D

It's been 2 weeks. 2 agonizing, empty, slightly lonely weeks since Dean had received the note stating that whatever this was, was over. He had tried to ignore his disappointment but still caught himself looking for clues to find out who his admirer was. It drove him crazy, but he couldn't find it in himself to write any further posts on Tumblr pleading for his suitor to come forward, or at the very least send him another note. Anything to let him know that they were still there and interested in him. Dean couldn't quite understand why his anon was so afraid to reveal their identity. Surely it couldn't have been that bad, at least not bad enough to cease communication all together. But still, after those 2 weeks Dean had deleted all anon related posts on his Tumblr and acted as if none of the situation bothered him. He was, after all, the all mighty, macho, womanizing Dean Winchester, and though he showed weakness and longing before, he didn't want to anymore. If his anon was adamant about never communicating again, well then Dean refused to show it bothered him. It didn't stop him from holding a sliver of hope that a crisp sheet of stationary would flutter to the floor as he opened his locker, complete with neat, perfect script, though. He hoped one day he would simply stop hoping, and move on from this delusion of his that him and his anon would meet and ride off into the sunset together.

It was 4th period and Dean had a free period which he opted to spend outside. The weather had started to grow colder but it was still pleasant enough to enjoy. Dean exited the school, walking across the grassy section in the front of the school, feeling content as the golden leaves crunched beneath his boots, finally stopping when he reached his destination, which was a large oak tree that provided him a quiet and peaceful place to sit back and relax. He sat down, leaning his back against the rough bark of the tree, shifting his body until he was comfortable. He dug into the pocket of his worn brown leather jacket, a gift from his father, fishing his phone out, plugging his headphones in the device and shoving the small buds into his ear. He browsed his music library and settled on Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven. He closed his eyes and let the mellow, pleasing intro relax him. He tapped his fingers on his knee to the music when he felt a warm body settle beside him. He opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to the side to see Lisa seated beside him. He pulled the headphones out of his ears and offered her a small smile. They haven't talked much since he wrote that he had no real feelings for her on his Tumblr page. It earned him a slap in the face and a long lecture but he didn't mind, he had his anon at the time and that's all that mattered to him.

"Hey, Lis. What are you doing here? Don't you have class?" Dean questioned.

"Yeah, but I skipped. Wanted to talk to you." she replied.

"Talk to me about what?"

"Well, I wanted to know if you were going to Gordon's party on Friday."

"Uh, I'm not sure. It depends on what Sam is doing that night. If he doesn't spend the night at Gabe Novak's house then I promised I would take him to see a movie. But if he ends up going, then I'll most likely show up, why?"

Lisa bit her bottom lip, fluttering her eyelashes at Dean, who in return furrowed his brow.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go with me. It's been a while, you know. I miss you." she pouted, reaching forward and running her hand down Dean's chest seductively. Dean let out a small snort.

"Yeah, uh, thanks for the offer Lisa but no thanks. I just want to fly solo for a little bit, you know?"

Lisa frowned, slipping her hand lower down Dean's body, letting it fall down to his crotch, giving it a slight squeeze, causing Dean to flinch.

"You sure, Deany? I can't do anything to convince you otherwise?"

Dean grabbed her hand and removed it from his crotch, scooting over to put some distance between them. He wondered briefly what the hell was wrong with him. Lisa was a babe, and if she had done that just last month, Dean would have been all over her, but now he found her advances uncomfortable, and her attempt to arouse him was fruitless, he had felt no excitement at her touch.

"I said no, Lisa. I'm sorry, I just don't want you like that anymore. I just want to be friends."

"Wow, Dean. You weren't saying that a couple of weeks ago when you had me bent over my dining room table. This is about those stupid fucking notes, isn't it?" Lisa fumed.

Dean sighed, he should have known Lisa wouldn't have let him off that easy.

"Things change, Lisa. I'm sorry but you have to find a new fuck buddy. Those notes also weren't stupid. But no, it's not because of the notes. It's because I'm just not fucking interested. Now please, leave me alone. Whatever we had before, it was purely physical and you knew that, you were the one who suggested it and it's over, now drop it." Dean said with impatience.

He felt a sharp pain as Lisa's hand connected with his cheek. He winced and rubbed at his cheek, before standing up, brushing himself off and storming back into the school. He just wasn't in the mood for Lisa's shit, and he certainly didn't deserve a slap for rejecting her advances. He heard her yell after him but he ignored her, he was simply done with her bullshit.

OoO

"Cas, what's gotten into you?" Jo asked as they sipped their coffee at their favorite coffee shop. They were seated in their favorite booth, just the two of them. Jo said she wanted to talk, and so they agreed to meet there.

"What do you mean?" Cas asked with disinterest, tracing the rim of his too hot coffee cup.

"You've been acting weird for two weeks, moping around like someone killed your puppy." Jo replied.

Cas just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't want to talk about it. He had been discouraged and was wallowing in his own self pity after Dean has expressed his disgust over the idea of a male being into him. He tried to hide it, to avoid any suspicion but evidently he was doing an immensely poor job of it.

"Don't know what you're talking about." he mumbled.

A frustrated Jo grabbed his coffee cup, pulling it away from him so he could no longer use it as a distraction.

"What the hell, Jo?" Cas huffed.

"Castiel James Novak I can read you like a book. Now you can tell me what the hell has crawled up that perky ass of yours of I could take every opportunity to harass you and force the truth out of you!" Jo growled, anger gracing her features. Cas sighed in defeat. He knew Jo was relentless and would stop at nothing to gather the truth from him.

"Joanna Beth, if I tell you what I am about to tell you, you cannot utter a word to another soul or I swear to God I will never speak to you again." Cas said, his voice stern and full of seriousness.

Jo pushed his coffee back in front of him, crossing her finger over her chest.

"I promise, Cas. Now please tell me what's up."

Cas let out a shaky breath, nerves bubbling to the surface.

"You know how Dean Winchester was receiving those anonymous note in his locker?"

"Yeah, of course. Everybody knows about that."

"I'mtheonewhowrotethem" Cas said so fast that it sounded like one long word. Jo gasped, covering her hand over her mouth, staring in shock.

"You? You're Dean's admirer? Since when?" she asked in confusion.

Cas sighed, returning to his previous action of tracing the lid of his coffee.

"I've liked him for a few years, I didn't mean for the notes to have the effect that they did. I simply wanted to state my feelings, to get them off my chest and leave it at that. But he had taken an interest in them, and I thought for a fraction of a second that maybe I could reveal myself to him, that he might, I don't know, like me. But then he had barreled into me in the hallway a couple of weeks back, and he looked at me with such disgust and-" he was cut off my another gasp from Jo.

"Oh my God, that's why you wanted Gabe to ask what Dean would do if he found out a dude had a crush on him!" she exclaimed. Cas quickly reached over the table and covered her mouth with his hand to silence her.

"Shh, keep it down, Jo! And yes, that is why I requested Gabriel's assistance. I had got my answer and I opted to cease the notes with the knowledge that Dean Winchester is straight as a board."

He dropped his hand and Jo gave him a look of sympathy that made him inwardly cringe.

"I'm sorry, Cas. It's his loss, you know? You're great and you'll find someone one day."

Cas just nodded, not letting her words of encouragement make him feel any better. He didn't want "someone one day", he wanted Dean Winchester today. He did however feel a fraction better letting Jo in on his secret, he considered it a small victory. Little did he know, though, that Jo wasn't the only one let in on this secret. As fate would have it, Lisa just so happened to be in the booth in front of theirs, and she heard every word that Castiel spoke.


	5. Chapter 5

Friday finally rolled around and while he still felt shitty about the whole note situation, his talk with Jo made him feel the slightest bit lighter. It wasn't much, but he was willing to take whatever reprieve he could get. He woke up that morning feeling decent, just happy for the weekend and relieved that he didn't have to look at Dean's stupid gorgeous face for two whole days. He took a shower and headed downstairs to get some breakfast.

"Hey, Cassie. I made pancakes!" Gabriel greeted happily. Cas offered a small smile and observed his brother's idea of a "pancake".

"How are your teeth not falling out, Gabriel? These aren't even pancakes, they're more like chocolate cakes. I think I'm going to have to decline your offering of syrup covered diabetes and opt for some toast." Cas chuckled. Gabriel just shrugged his shoulders.

"Your loss, big brother. More for me!"

Cas just laughed and took the bag of bread out of the breadbox, squeezing it to check its freshness and once satisfied, taking two pieces out of the bag and popping them into the toaster. He watched in mild fascination and just the slightest bit of disgust as his younger brother seemingly inhaled his sugar filled breakfast, wondering how Gabriel wasn't at least 200 pound by now. His toast popped and he plated it, pouring some honey over it, before digging in.

"Mom and dad won't be home until later tonight. Dad has surgery and mom has her stupid girly cocktail night with her friends." Gabriel said through a mouthful of pancakes.

"Hey, mom works hard and deserves a stupid girly cocktail night. Do you need me to cook you dinner then?" Cas asked.

"Nah, Sam is going to spend the night. I already got permission from mom and we're just going to order some food."

Cas just nodded, popping the last piece of toast into his mouth, placing his plate in the sink.

"Okay, well hurry up and finish your...'food'. We gotta get going for school."

OoO

When Cas and Gabriel arrived at school, they parted ways in search for their friends. It was a nice day out, unseasonably warm but still cool enough to wear a sweater and be comfortable. He wished briefly that he could just skip class and spend his time relaxing outside, but he forced himself to mosey on into the school, figuring he'd find his friends huddled by one of their lockers. He entered the school and made his way down the hallway when someone grabbed his sleeve and pulled him into an empty classroom. He looked in confusion, furrowing his brow as Lisa Braeden stood in front of him, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Uh, hi?" he offered lamely.

"Don't 'hi" me, Novak. I know your secret." she said, crossing her arms across her chest, staring him down.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Lisa. Now if you excuse me, I have a class to attend." Cas replied, turning to open the door.

"Surely you wouldn't want Dean to know that you, big, flaming faggot Novak are his secret admirer." Lisa said cooly.

Cas felt his heart stop, he closed his eyes and waited a moment to turn around and face Lisa, and when he did, her face donned a smug look.

"And why do you assume that?"

"I heard you talking to Jo. For a smart guy you sure are fucking stupid. You know it wouldn't take much to prove that you're the one who wrote those infamous notes."

"What do you want, Lisa? What's the point of this?"

"I want you, Castiel Novak, to go to Gordon's party, and plant one on Dean." she said innocently.

Cas felt his heart rate increase, he widened his eyes and stared at Lisa, not understanding what she could possibly have to gain from that.

"You're fucking nuts, Lisa. There's no way I would do that!"

"Well, it's either that or the whole school knows who you really are. The sweet, kind, anon."

"And what difference would kissing him make? It's still humiliating and it will most likely earn me a punch in the face! Why are you doing this, Lisa? Can you please just let it go? I ended it, okay? It's over with." Cas pleaded.

"The difference is instead of the whole school knowing Dean was smitten with someone who has a dick, and the whole school knowing you were pining for a straight jock, admitting you watch him and think the sun shines out of his ass, this will be a one time thing. It will most likely be forgotten in a few weeks time. And I'm doing this, Castiel, because you fucked with my relationship. It's your fault that Dean ended things with me. He's so hung up on those stupid pathetic fucking notes that he won't even look twice at me now. Kissing him would embarrass him and I would get great pleasure knowing you'll get rejected by your perfect Dean Winchester. I'm not going to ask you again, Castiel. I'll be at the party and if I don't see it happen, I will tell the whole school your secret. Both you and Dean would be the laughing stock of the school, he'll probably lose his friends, he'll get made fun of, Sam will be known as the guy who has the faggot for an older brother and he'll be made fun of too. People will probably pick on Gabriel, too, you know. Tease him over how pathetic his big bro is. You have until midnight to make your choice, and don't you dare think of running and telling Jo so she can 'set me straight' because if I find out you uttered a word about this, I will not hesitate to drop the bomb."

Just then the bell rang and people started to file into the classroom. Lisa smiled at Cas as if she didn't just fucking threaten to ruin not only his life, but Dean's also.

"Great talk, Novak. I'll see you later."

Cas stumbled out of the classroom feeling like he just got punched in the face. Was this really happening? He didn't mean any harm from the notes and now they turned his entire world upside down. He suddenly decided that skipping school did seem like a wonderful idea, and skip he did. He texted Gabriel and told him that he felt sick and to get a ride home with Sam. He felt a sense of complete dread as he made the trip home, plopping down on the couch with defeat when he got in. He felt sick, nervous, upset, and stupid. It was only 9 in the morning and so he had 14 hours to decide whether or not to do what he was told. He knew kissing Dean would earn him a punch in the face. He knows he'd be ridiculed by Dean's meathead friends and he knows Dean would never speak to him again. Any chance of even having Dean as a friend would be shot out the window. Not only that, Jo, Kevin, Garth, Chuck, Gabriel and his parents were the only ones who knew he was gay. He wasn't ashamed of who he was but he knew the gay population in his school was close to none so he didn't feel the need to flaunt it. He just wanted to get through school and graduate, maybe meet a nice guy in college and work from there. To be the only openly gay guy in his school would cause a world of shit for him, his brother, and his friends. But the other option didn't seem any better. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place and he just wished he could bury himself in his blankets and never come out again. He had a choice to make and either way it would end up badly for him. He wished he never wrote those stupid notes.

OoO

With Sam sleeping at Gabe's place, Dean decided to make his way to Gordon's party. He looked pretty good, if he did say so himself, wearing a pair of form fitting blue jeans, a black undershirt, and a forest green button-down with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons undone. He entered the party and went straight for the beer. He met up with Adam and Ruby, who already seemed to have a bit to drink, if their groping eachother was anything to go by. Dean just laughed at them, chugging his beer. It has been a long few weeks and he just wanted to get drunk and forget everything.

"Hey, Dean. Lisa's been staring at you since you got in, you still tapping that?" Adam asked, as Ruby kissed his neck. Dean just scoffed, finishing off his beer, grabbing another, opening it and taking a long sip. He wiped his mouth and shook his head.

"Nah, ended that a while ago. Got a little to clingy, you know?"

Adam laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, she has it bad for you, dude. You sure she's not the one behind your beloved love notes?" Adam teased. Dean scowled and took another swig from his beer.

"Yes, I'm sure. She's not smart enough to write like that and she's all jealous over them. She's fucked."

Ruby pulled off of Adam and poured them each a shot.

"You guys are talking too much, let's get drunk!" she grinned, handing them each a shot of whiskey. Dean just laughed and tossed it back, appreciating the warming feeling as it traveled down his throat. They took a few more shots and by 11, Dean decided to leave them and find a bathroom. Ruby and Adam were attached at the lips and he was getting bored with it. Dean was pretty buzzed at that point, the effects of the whiskey and beer making him feel good. He went off on his search for the bathroom when he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned and came face to face with that nerdy Novak kid. He took in his appearance. He was wearing black jeans, a navy blue button up, also with the sleeves rolled up, and some black converse. His startling blue eyes stared into Dean's green ones and he bit down on his full, pink lips in a nervous gesture. Dean stopped staring and cleared his throat.

"Uh, hey. You're the kid I knocked into the other day. Sorry about that, I wasn't having a great day." Dean said apologetically.

"That's alright, Dean. I am sorry to hear your day was less than ideal." Cas replied. He seemed nervous, he was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, still biting down on his lip, making it even fuller than it normally was. He was an okay looking guy, for a dude, anyway. Dean offered a small smile.

"Good, and it's okay, it wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have taken it out on you, though."

"That's quiet alright, Dean. You do not owe me any kindness, but I appreciate the apology."

Something about the way this Novak kid spoke made Dean think of his notes. This guy was so formal and well spoken. Dean sighed and looked down. He didn't want to think of the notes.

"I'm sorry, Dean. Did something I say upset you?" Cas asked. Dean looked up and met his gaze. When did this guy get closer to him?

"Oh, uh, no. Sorry, just zoned out. I gotta go to the bathroom, though. Glad we could clear the air, I'll see you around, uh..."

"Castiel. My name is Castiel, Dean." Cas said, and Dean totally didn't notice how his voice dropped lower as he said it.

"Okay, Castiel." Dean smiled. Cas just looked at him with those giant fucking blue eyes of his, a hint of sadness in them.

"I apologize for this, Dean."

"Apologize for what?" Dean was cut off when that pair of full, moist, pink lips pressed against his own. Dean stood still in shock. He didn't kiss back but he didn't pull away. He felt Cas's warm body pressed against his, and when he heard a gasp he shoved Cas back harder than he intended to. Cas went flying back, falling to the floor.

"What the fuck was that?! I'm not fucking gay!" Dean yelled. He could hear people laughing, hearing comments like "the mighty Dean Winchester just got a wet one from a faggot" and he never felt so embarrassed.

"Stay the fuck away from me, Novak and if you ever touch me again I will end you!" Dean growled and stormed out of the house. What bothered Dean more than the embarrassment is the lack of disgust he felt from the kiss. He was NOT gay, he was NOT.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you lovely beautiful people told me I should post another chapter and since I already had this written, I thought I would post it :) 
> 
> Enjoy!

Castiel sat on the sticky cold floor of Gordon's kitchen, where he has just moments earlier planted a wet one on Dean. He could hear people laughing at him, but the sound was distant. He was beyond humiliated, but he couldn't deny the blanket of warmth that flowed through his body when his lips  _finally_ touched Dean's. It was the moment he has dreamed for years, and if Dean hadn't so cold heartedly rejected him, and his ass wasn't damp from sitting in a puddle of someones spilled, warm beer, it would have been perfect. He was shook out of his Dean induced train of though when he felt something cold and strong smelling being poured into his hair. He looked up to see Lisa standing above him, her cup empty and tipped over, a smug smile stretched across her face.  
"Oops, I'm so clumsy" she giggled, causing an even louder eruption of laughter around him. Cas wiped the beer from his eyes and stood up shakily, looking around just to discover everybody watching him. He stood still for a moment before Adam came up to him and shoved him hard, causing him to stumble back, and when his foot hit a small puddle of the remainder of the beer that was spilled upon his head, he slipped and fell backward, his head smacking against the hard surface of the floor. He winced, but the pain in his head was soon forgotten when he felt a hard foot connect with his ribs. He yelped in pain and his body curled in on itself in reflex as the kicking continued. Cas closed his eyes and waited for the worst of it to be over when he felt a warm glob of spit on his cheek.  
"Get the fuck out of here you faggot, before I force you out" Adam growled. Cas wiped his cheek off with his hand, wiping his hand on his pants after to get the spit off. He cautiously stood up, partially fearful of being abused again, and when he finally got to his feet, Adam fake lunged at him, causing him to flinch back in fear and assorted names of "pussy", "faggot", "loser" and other hurtful slurs being thrown at him. He felt tears sting his eyes and he quickly blinked them away, turning on his heel and speed walking through the crowd of people as the shoved at him and insulted him. He finally made it through the front door and decided to not just walk, but run home in fear of being jumped. Relief filled his body as he made it though the front door of his house, slamming the door behind him. He leaned against the front door, closing his eyes and allowing his previously held back tears to flow down his cheeks. He felt like an idiot. He didn't deserve the ridicule he had received and he knew that the torment would only continue when he returned back to school the following Monday. He had previously did such a good job of hiding his sexual orientation and now everyone knew. A part of him was disappointed that Dean reacted the way he did. Sure, he knew that Dean was straight and wouldn't take kindly to being kissed by a male, but he had hoped he would let him off easily, instead of flipping out and threatening to end him. In that moment he thought that maybe the kind, brave, big hearted Dean Winchester that he had come to fall for was just a mere figment of his imagination. He now knew Dean as a homophobic asshole. The only reason Dean had saved his ass in the hallway a few weeks back was to save his teammates asses, it was for his own benefit and not out of the kindness of his heart. The Dean he knew now was just a typical meat headed jock with no regards for anybody's feelings. There was the time Dean had barreled into him in the hallway and left him on the ground to gather his belongings, then the anti-gay remarks he made in the cafeteria and now this. And yet Cas only did this so Dean could save face, so nobody would find out that the infamous love notes were from a male. Either way, he would have been revealed as a gay, and he would have been humiliated. Dean deserved to be hurt the way he hurt him, but Castiel being the frustratingly selfless and caring young man he is, still couldn't find it in himself to cause pain to someone else, even if they did deserve it.

Cas sighed and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. The tears were still flowing when he heard his brother's voice.  _Shit._ He had forgot that Gabriel was here with none other than Dean's kid brother, Sam.  
"Cassie, what happened? Are you hurt?" Gabriel asked Cas, approaching him. Cas quickly pushed himself off the door and wiped his tears. He met his brother's concerned eyes and damn if that didn't make him want to burst out into tears again. He noticed Sam standing in the archway into the living room observing his interaction with Gabriel. Sam didn't look judging, instead looking sympathetic and worried as well. He was so different from Dean. So compassionate. Cas let his hand drop onto Gabriel's shoulder, a comforting gesture.

"I'm fine, Gabriel. Just a rough night." Cas offered lamely.

"Your covered in beer, and you're upset. Did somebody hurt you? Do you want me to call mom?" Gabriel asked.

Cas shook his head.

"No. No, I'm okay, Gabe. Just some dumb jocks, you know how it is. I'm good though. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed, my head is killing me. And please don't tell mom or dad, you know how they worry."

"They have a right to worry, Cassie. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I'll talk to you in the morning okay? You and Sam enjoy your night." Castiel said, pulling his brother into a quick hug before releasing him and heading upstairs to his room.

Cas grabbed some clean clothes and headed to the bathroom, stripping out of his sticky, soiled party clothes. He looked in the mirror and winced. There were dark bruises already blooming along his torso, he would be in a great deal of pain the next day. He started the shower and stepped in, closing his eyes as the hot water beat down onto his bruised flesh. He grimaced as the water hit the back of his head, where he had hit it. The water that flowed from his head was tinted pink and he assumed he had cut his head during the fall. "Fucking perfect" he mumbled to himself.

Cas stayed in the shower until the water ran cold, finally getting out when the temperature was unbearable. He dried off and got into his softest grey pajama pants and a soft cotton white t-shirt. He padded back to his room and started up his computer. He came to regret it when he found himself on Facebook reading the nasty messages he had been sent. Some threatening, some just cruel. He decided to deactivate his Facebook after that, feeling defeated. His life was turned upside down because he was stupid enough to send Dean Winchester a note. All of this was because of some stupid words scribbled on a piece of paper.

Cas slammed his laptop shut and grabbed a fresh sheet of paper, taking a pen from his pencil case and started scribbling down some words. He needed to let Dean know how he felt now, let him know that his feelings were mislead. Dean didn't deserve to be flattered over his words anymore. Not after what he did.  
OoO

The weekend went by slowly for Dean. He was embarrassed and confused and he felt conflicted with himself. He couldn't help but to replay the incident over and over in his head. Thankfully for him, his friends ceased their mocking by Saturday night and opted to bother the Novak kid instead. He recognized Castiel from around school, only ever knowing him as the dark haired, weird, kind, and smart dude that hung out with Jo. Jo's mom was married to his uncle Bobby and they've known eachother almost all their lives. Dean never understood why Jo chose to hang out with her group of misfit friends when she could have so easily been popular, like Dean himself. He was confused, wondering why Castiel had even kissed him. Last he remembers of the kid was bumping into him in the hallway and being a royal dick to him, so what on God's green Earth possessed the dude to kiss him? Being kissed by a guy was a hell of a lot different than being kissed by a girl. First was Castiel's scent. Girls normally smelled like vanilla or some other fruity of floral shit they doused themselves in. Castiel smelled fresh, like clean laundry, pleasant smelling cologne and an underlying scent of something earthy and calming like fresh cut grass or the first rainfall after a long dry spell. The next was his body, it felt so firm and strong pressed against his and so unlike the soft curves he was used to. Then there was the kiss itself. Dean could distinctly remember the feeling of some slight stubble rub against his skin, the press of Castiel's lips to his was firm and dominating and not like the soft, shy, teasing kisses that girls would plant on him. It wasn't entirely horrible but the dude embarrassed him infront of everyone who mattered in their school. He felt a bit bad for shoving the dude away so harshly, especially when Sammy had told him that Castiel had came home crying and covered in beer and spit, but where did this Castiel get off on kissing Dean like he had the right to? Everyone knew that Dean was a ladies man, straight as an unbendable stick. There was no way he desired to be kissed by a dude, especially not by Castiel Novak. There was no way those full, soft, moist lips tasted good, like mint and sweetness. There was no way that body felt solid and comforting against his. There was just no way. And to prove it to himself he had a three way with 2 hot older women he picked up at the bar with his fake ID on Saturday and on Sunday slept with a little artsy hottie from his grade 12 art class.

Monday finally rolled around and things almost seemed normal, save the gossip about Castiel but that was expected. People still greeted Dean like he was a God and girls still blushed at him when he looked at them and made their feeble attempts at flirting with him. All was good. He went to his locker feeling relieved that none of the homophobic hate was directed toward him. He opened his locker and to his surprise a note fell out. He picked up up and sighed. Girls had been shoving notes into his locker ever since he made it public that he wanted his suitor to come forward, claiming it was them who wooed him and caught his attention. He knew better, though. He quickly eyed the paper and felt his heart rate increase. There in the same neat script he had come to anticipate was his name scrawled on the folded piece of paper. He tried to tell himself that the lack of notes he had received hadn't bothered him but he knew he was lying to himself when he felt the excitement and happiness when that note fell to the floor. Perhaps his suitor wanted to come clean, finally. Or felt bad for him for being attacked by some gay kid. He opened the note, feeling optimistic.

_Hello, Dean._

_I know I had stated that I would cease all communication but I must admit, I couldn't resist.  
How was your weekend, Dean? Good? I hope so. I had heard through the grapevine about your adventures with two busty cougars Saturday. Must be good to be king, correct?_

_I have written to tell you I feel as if my feelings for you had been seriously misled. I believed you to be kind and open minded and big hearted. You were the man I longed for, someone selfless and strong and handsome. But, my judgment had been cloudy, Dean Winchester, and I must admit that I am not only disappointed in you for being a bigot, a bully, and a homophobe, but I am disappointed in myself for falling for such a person. It is no secret what happened at Gordon's big popular kid bash on Friday. It's easy to assume that your buddies would be so harsh over something as innocent as a kiss but your behavior was disgusting and disappointing. It's okay not to be gay, Dean. But it is also okay TO be gay. Just because a male enjoys affections from another male, does not make them an abomination. I had previously noted that you shoved past the same kid, Castiel, was it?, in the hallway like you owned the place. Not to mention your blatant disgust when your brother's friend Gabriel asked you what you would do if a male had feelings for you._

_I believed you to be different, and your hateful behavior has turned me off of you. You probably won't care, though. But let me tell you, Dean Winchester, one night stands with desperate women with no self respect won't keep you warm at night, and acting like a bully is only cool in high school._

_You are sorely mistaken if you think that any of these girls, or any of your football teammates will give a fraction of a shit about you after we all graduate. I regret taking the time out of my day to boost your ego with words that I believed to be true at the time._

_Have a day as shitty as you made that Castiel kid feel, Dean._

_-Anon._

Dean was dumbstruck. He felt sick with himself. He didn't know why one opinion mattered so much to him, the opinion of someone he didn't even know. He never took in account how Castiel would feel or how others would see him for being so bigoted. His heart sank at the letter and he, for the first time, felt heartbreak that his suitor was disgusted with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what y'all think :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's going to be a lot of homophobic slurs in the chapter, so you've been warned!
> 
> Also, for some reason the same note keeps posting at the end of my chapters that I posted after chapter 1 :s so just ignore it.

Hell. That's what Monday was for Castiel. He had a slight sliver of hope that maybe this whole mess would blow over, but as fate would have it, the rumors and gossip only got worse. He decided to get up early that morning and risk shoving that note into Dean's locker. He debated on it the entire weekend but he had to find some way to get his feelings off his chest, even if doing so got him into this mess in the first place. He honestly didn't understand what the big deal was. Sure, being a teenage homosexual in the state of Kansas wasn't exactly welcomed around these parts but  _come on_ , it's 2014 and it's a new age, these things shouldn't matter. Being attracted to the same sex didn't make him any less of a person, he was still  _him._ He made a solid effort of hiding out and avoiding people until the warning bell rang for his first class, he hadn't even talked to any of his friends over the weekend who had sent him numerous concerned text messages and voice mails, even opting to come over, which he had Gabriel sending them away. He couldn't face them. He could barely face Gabriel who was uncharacteristically sympathetic and kind to him the entire weekend, making him feel a bit uncomfortable. He was supposed to be strong, set an example for his knuckle head of a younger brother. His parents noticed his moping around the house but he assured them he was fine, that he just had a falling out with one of his friends. His parents also coddled him, trying to make up for the hours they're not around, and he couldn't feel any weaker than he did that weekend.  
Of course in the hallways there was snickers and shoves, but Castiel tried his darnedest to tune them out. He could do this. Be strong. It was only a kiss, and Dean's friends already got their bullying in so how much longer could this go on for? He went to his first period class, and while there were the obvious stares in his direction, none of the more popular kids were in his class which made it more bearable. He dreaded second period which he shared with Dean, Adam, Ruby, Kevin and Ash. He found himself hoping that first would drag on, but since his track record with luck as of late has been absolute shit, the class flew by and he found himself awkwardly staggering into second period history. He observed Dean and his friends sitting at the back of the class, and he avoided eye contact at all costs.  
"Hey, Novak!" he heard Ruby yell as he plopped down in an empty desk at the front of the classroom. He didn't bother turning around, instead gripping onto his textbook like it was a lifeline. "Novak! Wanna make out?" he heard her continue, "oh wait, only a  _real_ man would want to kiss a woman. Forgot you preferred sucking dick!" she spat out, earning laughter from his peers. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to cancel the stinging words out. "Hey Castiel, finding it hard not to molest Dean again? Must be real tempting for a dirty little faggot like you" he heard Adam say, continuing the verbal assault on him.  
"Fuck off you two, leave it alone!" he heard Dean snap.  
"Awh, heard that Novak? Your boyfriend is sticking up for you, try not to eagerly get on your knees for him as a thank you!" Ruby snorted.  
"Ruby, Dean isn't the homo. I'd be embarrassed too if a whore like Novak kissed me, he just can't stomach the sound of the flamer's name" Adam laughed. Cas felt like he was going to be sick. He felt a tear roll down his cheek and flinched when he felt someone sit beside him. He opened his eyes and seen Kevin, who was looking at him with concern etched on his features. On the other side of him sat Chuck, who clasped his hand on Castiel's shoulder in a comforting gesture. Cas quickly wiped his tear on the sleeve of his grey hoodie, sniffling.

"You okay, man?" Chuck asked.

Cas scoffed.

"Never better" he answered sarcastically.

"Don't listen to them, Cas. They're just over compensating for their lack of intelligence" Kevin said.

"Be careful, boys. Little Cassandra here might try to give you hand jobs if you get too close" Adam laughed.

"He only wants Dean's dick, Adam, they're safe...for now" Ruby finished.

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor startled him, the sound of Dean's deep voice grumbling through the classroom.

"I said fucking leave it alone you two, grow the fuck up!" Dean snapped before storming out of the classroom.

"Way to go Novak, you gone and did it again, pissing Dean off." Adam bit out, getting up to chase after his friend. Cas could feel the eyes of his classmates on him, and he felt overwhelmed. He tried to concentrate through the rest of class, but the comments his peers made about him and Dean's little tantrum left him unable to concentrate. He didn't understand what Dean's issue was. He wasn't the one being torn apart, and there he was acting like a big baby over nothing. What an ass. He was thankful though for his friends, who once again proved their loyalty to him, even sticking up for him when someone would bark a stupid comment about him. He was thankful when the bell rang for lunch, for at least he could go off to a secluded spot and enjoy a moment of normalcy while he ate his lunch. He gathered his books and exited the room with Chuck and Kevin in tow, who crushed him in the middle of them as if to protect him from the shoving and mocking. As they approached his locker, he noticed a small group crowded around it. He felt his heart pound in his chest, this couldn't be good. Jo and Garth broke free from the crowd and walked up to him, Kevin and Chuck.

"What's going on? Why is everybody near my locker?" Castiel asked, his brows furrowed in confusion. His friends looked pale and upset, which was weird to him because he rarely ever seen Garth without a dopey smile on his face.

"Come on Cas, let's just go" Jo said, grabbing his arm.

"No, what's going on?" he asked again, not really knowing now if he wanted the answer to that question.

"Cas, please don't.." Jo pleaded.

Cas shook her arm off and walked nervously toward his locker. He weaseled his way through the group of teenagers, some snickering, some looking sad for him, and he felt his blood run cold as he eyed his locker. In big red spray painted letters was the words "die faggot" scrawled across his locker door. For the second time that day, he felt himself fighting back tears.

"Look, he's going to cry!" he heard a voice from the crowd laugh. He pushed past them, storming past his friends and running out of the school. He ran and ran, the tears spilling down his pale cheeks. He felt ill and hurt, and before he could even think "what else could go wrong?" he found himself colliding with a solid force, falling to the concrete below him. He noted that he seemed to be spending a copious amount of time on the ground lately. He recognized the feeling and his heart stopped. He ran directly into an angry looking Dean.  
"Fuck!" Dean snapped, looking momentarily confused over the impact. He noticed Dean's expression soften slightly when he realized it was Cas that ran into him and Cas was surprised when Dean offered a hand out to help him up. He didn't trust Dean one bit and figured he would earn himself a punch in the face if he took the offered hand and so he quickly pushed himself up, running as fast as his legs would take him away from Dean.  
"Castiel, wait! I just want to talk!" he heard Dean yell, but he didn't even hesitate to stop. He just wanted to get home.

OoO

To say Monday was a clusterfuck of terrible things happening was an understatement. After receiving the note in his locker that morning, Dean found himself self loathing. He didn't realize he was acting like such a dick until his anon pointed it out to him. He never cared what anybody thought until his suitor came along, and it hurt that they thought he was prejudice and bigoted. The thing is that he didn't even have anything against gay people, but the pressure of highschool made him say and do some less than noble things and it made him feel like shit. He knew that the Novak kid would get some flack for what happened at Gordon's party but he didn't count on his peers being so ruthless and heartless. He had to hand it to Castiel, who was doing a wonderful job of ignoring his bullies. He had to admit that he took the cowards way out by storming out of the classroom instead of standing up for Castiel but again, the pressure f popularity clouded his better judgment. He wandered the halls for a bit before heading outside to get some fresh air. It was getting colder and colder out with November nearing but the bitterness of the cold air felt refreshing against his skin. He heard the bell ring for lunch and he decided to head back inside to get a bite to eat, then maybe find Cas and apologize for being such an asshole. He was about to head back in when someone slammed into him with force, knocking the wind out of him. He shook off the shock and looked down to see Castiel on the ground, his eyes wet with tears. The kid looked so fucking broken and in that moment Dean felt low, this guy was always so kind to everyone and according to Sam, he was always welcoming whenever he was over and worked hard to be a stellar big brother to Gabriel, which he could appreciate since he did the same for Sam. He had always seen Castiel with a smile on his face, always joking around with his friends who seemed to adore him. Dean never noticed how big and open his blue eyes were until now. They held so much emotion and they were enticing. In that moment he just wished he could have gone back in time and treated this seemingly great guy better, he didn't deserve this shit. Sure he kissed Dean but it was just a kiss, it's not like he raped him or shoved his tongue down his throat. It was just a nice, warm, innocent kiss. He found himself offering out his hand to the slightly smaller man, and was taken back when Castiel forced himself up and darted away. The distrust and hurt in those deep blue eyes weren't unnoticed by Dean. He yelled after him but Cas just ran away, and damn that kid was fast.

Dean sighed in defeat and headed back into school. He was going to gather his things and head home, find a way to make this right. He was headed toward his locker when an enraged looking Jo stormed up to him.  
"Hey, Jo. What's up?" he asked, and to say he was shocked when her hand reached out and slapped him  _hard_ across the cheek would be an understatement.

He held his now stinging cheek and gaped at Jo.

"What the fuck was that for?" he demanded.

"You're a piece of fucking shit, Dean. Yeah, we get it, you're a big macho manly man but that doesn't give you the right for you and your friends to dig into Castiel's soul like he's a piece of shit. He's a real person and he's more of a man than you'll ever be! You're lucky I don't tell Bobby about this you asshole!" she spat at him, shoving him before storming out of the school to no doubt find Cas.

Dean stood in shock, hand still holding his face before he finally snapped out of it and raced to his locker. He stopped when some bright red spray paint caught his eye. He looked at the locker and remembered it to be Castiel's. His heart broke all over again for the Novak boy when he read the angry words painted on his locker door. No wonder Cas had been so upset. He had to make this right, not only for himself or his anon, but for a guy who didn't deserve any of this bullshit in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that wasn't too much for you guys. The angst, it's like the air I breathe.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, ignore the dreaded note left at the end that refuses to leave me alone :c

Castiel rushed home and immediately took refuge in this bedroom. He lay on his stomach on his soft bed, crying quietly into his pillow. He was frustrated with not only the boneheaded peers he had the displeasure of sharing a high school with but with himself also. He was angry with himself for crying, when he promised himself he wouldn't let bullies ruthless words take effect on him, and he was angry with himself for ever thinking Dean Winchester was something special. It was his attraction to Dean which caused this mess in the first place. He was under the impression that Dean was a different breed on jock, one with a heart and a conscience, but it appeared that his previous observations couldn't be any further from the truth. He was the ring leader of his meat headed group of "friends", and his reaction to the kiss just caused a snowball effect, because if Dean Winchester didn't approve of some "homo" kissing him, then obviously everyone else had to follow his lead.

With a sigh, Cas forced himself to sit up and wipe his tears. He didn't want to feel weak for letting those harsh words have such an effect on him. He had to be strong. Prove to his peers that being gay didn't make him any weaker than the rest of them.

He had decided to get dressed in comfortable clothes and choose a movie to watch, settling on Fight Club, a classic that never failed to make him feel just a little bit better about his life. He enjoyed the enticing plot and the psychological aspect of it. He put the disk in his Blu-ray player, closing the blinds on his window and settling into the cushioned softness of his king sized bed. He leaned himself back on a stack of pillows and pressed play. He started to doze off about half way through the film when a knock on his bedroom door startled him from his almost slumber.

"Come in" he grumbled sleepily, rubbing his eyes and sitting up.

His bedroom door creaked open and in entered Jo, Garth, Chuck and Kevin. He offered them a forced smile as they made themselves comfortable, Jo getting under the covers with him, Chuck and Garth taking a seat on his bed and Kevin plopping down in his cushy computer chair.

"Hey, Cas. How you feeling?" Jo asked gently, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"I've seen better days." Castiel admitted with a small sigh.

"I'm a black belt, I can unleash the fury on them if you want, just say the word" Kevin said in all seriousness.

That caused a chuckle from Cas and his friends. He was thankful that they decided to show up, even though he had texted Jo earlier that afternoon to tell her to leave him alone. He should have known better than to think his friends would leave him to deal with something like that by himself.

"Thanks, Kev. I'm good, though." Cas replied.  
"You uh, know this doesn't change how we think about you, Cas. We love you no matter who you're into." Chuck said with a small smile.

"Yeah, man. We got your back, don't you worry. They're just a bunch of lugheaded dickbags" Garth snorted.

"Seriously though, Castiel. You're not alone, and we just want to make sure you're okay. What they said to you and what they did to your locker, that's some heavy shit. You shouldn't have to deal with that alone." Jo said in her mother hen tone, wrapping her arm around Cas, squeezing him in a one armed hug.

He was about to reply when Gabriel came busting into his room with an unfamiliar look of rage and worry on his face.

"Cassie, I just heard from Sam what happened today, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? I was so worried! Sam's pissed at Dean, by the way, for doing what he did to you. Are you hurt? Do mom and dad know? Why didn't you tell me you had a thing for him?" Gabriel asked frantically.

Cas stared at him for a moment, not sure on what one of his many questions to tackle first.

"I'm as okay as I can be in a situation like this, Gabe. My feelings are a bit hurt but I'll live. Mom and dad don't know and I don't want them to, they have enough on their plates and this is something I can handle by myself, no need to worry them." He replied, watching Gabriel's impatient face as he tried to figure out how to answer the Dean question.

"And I don't have a thing for Dean, Gabriel. I don't know what I was thinking. I had a couple of drinks and it just happened" he lied.

"What were you doing at dick head Gordon's party, anyway?" Kevin asked.

Castiel just shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know, I just kind of ended up there"

He noted the looks of skepticism on his friend's and Gabriel's faces and sighed, running a hand tiredly down his face.

"Look, guys. It's been a long day for me, can we just drop this?" he asked, a look of pleading etched on his features.

"We're just looking out for you, Cas." Jo said.

"I know, and thank you. All of you, even you Gabriel. You just being here and accepting me is enough, trust me. Now how about we order copious amounts of high calorie foods and have us a movie marathon?" he asked with a small smile.

They all nodded and seemed content to drop the subject at the mention of take out and good movies.

OoO  
The next day Castiel was feeling marginally better, even finding himself briefly forgetting the events of the day previous with the help of his friends and younger brother.

He woke up contemplating whether or not to go to school that day, but decided it would be better to get it over with and prove to his tormentors that he was strong enough to return. He wasn't going to give them the pleasure of knowing they were the reason he skipped school. He told Gabriel it was okay if he wanted to leave before or after him so he could avoid being seen with his "fag" brother but Gabriel told him he was having none of that, not caring if anybody teased him for the sexual orientation of his older brother, whom he looked up to.

And so they made their way to school together, ignoring the comments that were made at them when they arrived on school grounds. They were about to enter the school when Sam, who seemed like he was growing larger and larger by the day, ran up to them.

"Hey, Sammy." Gabriel greeted, holding his fist out for a fist bump.

"Hey, Gabe." Sam replied, bumping his larger knuckles against Gabriel's.

Castiel decided to leave his brother to interact with his friend but as he went to walk away, Sam's hand grabbed his arm, pulling him back. Castiel stared at the hand on his arm, then back as Sam, tilting his head in confusion.

"Castiel, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Sam said, pulling his best puppy dog eyes.

"It's quite alright, Sam. You did nothing to offend me." Cas said reassuringly.

"No, I know. I wanted to apologize on behalf of Dean. Our dad is old fashioned and doesn't believe in a man being with a man, and Dean tries so hard to please our father so I think that might be a factor in it. I just wanted you to know I don't share those views and that I respect you and I think it's pretty bad ass that you've been so strong through this. I tried talking to Dean the day after the party but he told me I didn't know what I was talking about and blew me off. I hope you don't think what Dean did is a reflection on me..." Sam said, looking sincere and frantic as if he was trying desperately for Cas to believe him.

Cas rested his hand on Sam's shoulder and offered a small smile.

"Thank you, Sam. I do not think you're a bad person and it would be unfair to assume that Dean's behavior is a reflection on you. I appreciate your support and I'm glad that out of all the terrible people in this world, that Gabriel chose you as a best friend. You're a good kid, Sam."

Sam smiled his megawatt smile and pulled Cas into a tight hug, catching him by surprise. He awkwardly hugged back and looked at Gabriel who was laughing.

"Sam is a hugger, just go with it" Gabe chuckled.

Cas let out a small laugh and hugged Sam back properly.

After the confrontation with the younger Winchester, Castiel headed inside the school and to his locker, pleased to see that the janitor was successful in scrubbing the hateful words off the door.  
It was no surprise that people were still talking about him and staring, but when he was digging in his locker for his text book, a sudden hand on his shoulder startled him, causing him to jump.

"Oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spook you" a timid looking guy with brown hair and innocent looking blue eyes he knew as Samandriel said.

"Oh, that's alright. What can I do for you, Samandriel?" Cas asked, shocked that anyone outside of his friends were willing to speak to him.

Him and Samandriel weren't what you would call friends, but they had some classes together and at one point had a lengthy discussion on their angelic names.

"I uh, I wanted to say thank you." Samandriel said shyly.

Castiel did his trademark head tilt, wondering what on Earth he could be thanked for.

"Thank you for what?" Cas asked in confusion.

Samandriel blushed and fidgeted with his fingers.

"Well uh, I know it hasn't been easy for you, but, uh, you made me decide to you know, come out."

"I'm afraid you have me confused.." Cas said.

"Well, uh, before you, I thought I was the only one in the school that was, you know, gay." Samandriel said, his cheeks tinged pink.

Oh.

"Oh, I uh..." Castiel wasn't entirely sure what to say. "You sure that's a good idea? You seem like a good kid and we unfortunately go to school with a bunch of kids with old fashioned values and they can be pretty cruel"

"Oh, I know. But uh, maybe if someone else comes out they'll see you're not alone. Strength in numbers, right?" Samandriel said with a small smile.

Castiel smiled warmly at this bashful looking boy who seemed to have more balls then most of the muscle heads in the school. Maybe he wasn't as alone as he thought he was.

OoO

The first two periods of class went as expected, the remarks made by his classmates were just as harsh as they were the day prior but he took solace in the company of his friends. Dean was in his second period class and kept trying to talk to him but he scurried off before the larger man could get a word in.

When the bell rang for lunch he couldn't be happier. He, Kevin and Chuck exited the classroom and went off to find Jo and Garth so they could get lunch together. They were walking by a large group of students circling someone and Cas stopped dead in his tracks when he heard some familiar words.

"Fucking faggot. Must be something in the water here."

He looked and noticed the words weren't directed toward him and he felt his chest tighten. Samandriel.  
He forced himself through the crowd of amused looking students ignoring his friend's pleas for him to leave it alone and seen Samandriel who's hair was wet and clothes were soaked in something that smelled suspiciously like soda. His observation was confirmed when he seen an empty Big Gulp cup in Adam's hand.

"S-stop it." Samandriel muttered quietly, looking as if he was holding back tears. Adam replied by shoving him to the floor.

"Don't tell me what to do you dirty ball sucker!" he spat out.

Castiel felt his blood boil. It was one thing for his school mates to torment him, but Samandriel didn't have the same support system that Castiel did and nobody was standing up for the helpless looking smaller boy.

Cas stomped into the middle of the circle, kneeling down to check on Samandriel.

"Hey, Samandriel. Are you okay?" he asked gently.

"Well look what we have here. Little faggot to the rescue" Adam laughed.

Cas stood up, blocking Samandriel from Adam's view.

"You fucking him?" another one of Dean's friends, Michael asked with a disgusted tone.

"No, I'm not. He's my friend and I suggest you leave him alone" Cas bit out.

Adam simply laughed.

"Wow, are you threatening me you little fairy? You know, you're disgusting. You and every other queer out there. You're a fucking pansy ass fudge packer and you and your little butt buddy here should just do everyone a huge favor and blow your brains out!"

Castiel didn't know what came over him and he lunged toward Adam, tacking him down.

He raised his fist and felt a shot of pain through his hand as it connected with Adam's jaw.

"I've had enough of your fucking shit you bigoted piece of crap!" Cas yelled, his fist swinging down for another punch.

"You're nothing but a bully and a loser!" he continued, as his fist made contact yet again with Adam's face.

He continued his assault, only stopping when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him and pull him up. He turned around quickly and came face to face with a shocked looking Dean Winchester, who still had his arms wrapped around Cas. He stood shell shocked for a moment before roughly shoving Dean off, walking over to an amazed looking Samandriel, helping him up.  
"Don't you ever touch me again, Dean!" Cas growled.

"You weren't saying that the other night" Michael laughed, causing snickers from the rest of the previously shocked group.

Cas clenched his fists, adrenaline still running through his system.

"You know what? I'm fucking so sorry that I kissed you Dean. Sorry it offended you and your group of dumbass friends so bad that you had to result to violence, death threats and torment. But you know what? Get. The. Fuck. Over. It!" Cas spat out, causing Michael to shut up and Dean to gape at him.

"You guys think you're fucking cool, trying to ruin the lives of people who did nothing wrong but like someone with the same fucking genitals? You must all be pretty insecure about yourselves if you feel the deep need to pick on us. And you know what? Samandriel here is more of a man than any of you or your small minded dick headed friends. It takes a lot more balls to come out to a group of prejudice losers like you then it does to make fun of someone who has no back up or support."

"Cas..." Dean started.

"You, Dean Winchester do  _not_ get to speak my name as if we are friends. I made a mistake by kissing you and I am sorry if it made you uncomfortable but you could have been a half fucking decent human being and used your big boy words instead of acting like a Neanderthal meat head and starting this fucking hate campaign against me. You know what? I used to like you, and I know, the horrors of having the school fag have a crush on you is terrifying but you can rest easy because I just think you're a pathetic excuse for a man, and you and your friends can beat me and bully me until you're blue in the face but I will never stop fighting against you and I will never let you touch Samandriel again." Cas ranted, breathing hard. Jo and Kevin fought through the now quiet and surprised group of teenagers and grabbed Cas's arm.

"Come on, Cas. Let's go. Don't waste your breath on these idiots anymore." Jo said, glaring at Michael, Dean and Adam who was still laying on the floor.

"Castiel, please.." Dean pleaded pathetically.

Kevin surprised even Cas when he grabbed Dean by the collar of his shirt and  _glared._

"You've said enough, Dean. Leave him the hell alone." Kevin said, pushing him away.

"Come on, Samandriel. I have a clean shirt in my locker you can borrow." Cas said softly, leading him away from the group of teens.

"Castiel James Novak you are a bad ass." Jo beamed, wrapping her arm around his shoulder as the group left for lunch, leaving Dean standing there confused and dumbfounded over the events that just took place.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys. I Just wanted to tell you that this is my last pre-written chapter so updates will come slower from now on. But I'd like to thank you all for your support, comments and kudos on this, you're all the absolute best!

Dean stood shell shocked still in the middle of the group of teens as Castiel and his friends stormed away. He had never been put in his place like that before, and most people who would dare speak to him in that manner would have earned a first class ticket to beat-down town. But with Castiel, he couldn't help but the just stand there and get yelled at. He knew that Cas wasn't one to let bullies get to him and would stick up for someone in need but this was a whole new level of  _wow._ The passion in Castiel's eyes as he defended not only himself but a helpless Samandriel was nothing short of intense.

Dean looked down to where Michael was still trying to help Adam get up, who was sporting a split lip and a busted nose. Not for the first time Dean found himself astonished and dare he say, even a little bit impressed over Castiel's actions. The dude clearly knew how to hold his own, and could have easily thrown a punch in the direction of one of his tormentors but he never did, and that must take some real self restraint. He figured that everyone had their breaking point and the mere fact that Castiel didn't even fight for himself but for a fellow school mate in need is honorable.

Despite the initial shock of Cas verbally beating him, and very physically beating Adam, what shocked Dean the most is the fact that Cas admitted he had once liked Dean. That should bother him, right? A dude had the hots for him, and a dude isn't supposed to like a dude. It's not right, it's not...normal. But Dean found himself replaying that kiss in his head, the fire in Castiel's eyes as he defended what he thought was right and the fury of fists he threw at Adam and Dean couldn't help but to be a little bit flattered that someone that strong liked him.

Castiel was a force to be reckoned with, he was unlike anyone Dean has come across before. He was intelligent, like, Kevin Tran intelligent, he was kind, he was optimistic, a loyal friend, and just when Dean thought he had the strange kid figured out, he goes and does something like this, shaking up any idea Dean thought he had about the oldest Novak. It made him curious, made him want to peel the many layers of Cas apart, and the knowledge that Cas had a thing for Dean made him want to break the wall Cas had put up with him even more. He didn't know why, but there was something about Cas that made him want to befriend the man, to hang out with him, laugh with him, touch him-

Dean cut his thoughts off there. He couldn't let this get to him. He was not gay. Not even curious. He was a ladies man and he loved women. Like he was supposed to. He had to keep these thoughts in check, he couldn't afford have these thoughts.

OoO

Castiel and his friends decided to leave school grounds for lunch, opting to pick a little spot in the park to sit and enjoy their food. It was chilly out and the grass was littered with fallen leaves but they all needed the space from their ignorant school mates and time to let everything settle a bit. They cleaned Samandriel up and invited him for lunch which he accepted the invitation with an appreciative smile.

Cas dug into his sandwich, feeling hungry and drained from his physical activities with Adam's face and groaned. His brother made his lunch that morning out of sympathy over what happened the previous day and if he did say so himself, his brother was damn good with food.

"I didn't know you could fight like that" Garth said, sinking into his own sandwich.

Cas chewed and swallowed, giving a small shrug.

"My dad used to box, when I was younger I would go with him to train and when I was old enough I trained with him. He always taught me that you should only fight if you feel it's absolutely necessary, and I felt the situation warranted a little bit of justice."

"That was really cool of you, Castiel. You didn't have to stick up for me, though." Samandriel said with a small smile.

"It was no problem. You stuck up for me, and you were very brave to do so, Samandriel. Dean and his croonies needed to be taken down a peg or two. It is because of people like them that people like us feel the need to hide who we truly are. Gender preference does not define who a person is, and we should be able to love who we want without the fear of being attacked for it." Cas said, passion lacing his voice.

"Well, Castiel Novak you proved to them that being gay isn't a stereotype when you kicked the shit out of Adam. I'd like to see them call you a pansy now." Jo laughed.

Cas smiled and nodded in agreement.

He knew he would get in trouble for resorting to violence but in his opinion, it was completely justified and he could care less about the repercussions.

OoO

As expected, when Cas and his clan returned to school he was called to the principal's office.

"Castiel Novak, it has come to my attention that you had assaulted another student today." Principal Barnes said.

Cas simply nodded.

"That's correct." he deadpanned.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself, young man? You're such a good student, what could have possibly made you resort to violence?" She asked.  
"I have to say that I feel no remorse in my actions, Ms. Barnes. The bullying in this school is at an outrageous level and while I try not to let the harsh words of my peers get to me, there are other people who aren't emotionally strong enough to put up with the torment. My friend was being bullied, nobody was helping him. It is disappointing that only a handful of students are willing to be decent human beings and help someone in need."

"That doesn't quite justify your actions, "

Castiel was started to feel annoyed.

"With all due respect, Ms. Barnes, I believe my actions were quite justified. There were around 20 students crowded around a helpless young man. He was covered in someone's cheap soda and our peers were laughing at him, calling him derogatory names, belittling him because of his sexual preference. Being gay myself, I wouldn't- no I couldn't stand for that type of behavior. None of the staff here are doing anything about the hate speech and physical abuse that the more popular kids dish out. I wasn't planning on using violence, Ms. Barnes, I swear it, but after I had tried to help Samandriel, we were both called the most vial names you could think of before being told we would be better off to just 'blow our brains out'" Castiel said, fists clenched.

"I understand but-" Ms. Barnes started, but Cas interrupted her.

"No, you don't understand. Do you know how much strength it takes to come out to a group of kids who openly hate on homosexuals? Do you know how many people spend their lives hiding who they really are out of fear of being ostracized by their peers? And do you know how many people like us have taken their own lives because of pieces of shit like Adam Milligan telling us we're dirty and wrong and the world would be better off without us? If nobody in this school will stand up for the rights of homosexuals then I will, because it will be a cold day in hell the day I watch one of my friends take their own lives because they feel they're alone and dirty." Cas spat out, harsher than he intended to.  
Ms. Barnes stared at him, dumbfounded. She appeared to be thinking of a proper response to what Cas had said and after a moment her expression softened.

"I'm sorry, Castiel. I was not aware that the bullying was that bad. I assure you that Adam will be properly punished and that the staff will be told to be on the look out for such behavior. I appreciate you being so invested in the rights of others and between me and you, I do now believe your actions were justified. I will let you off with a warning, Mr. Novak for I feel that you were right, but I can't look like I'm choosing favorites here so I'm going to have to send you home for the day. Come back tomorrow and refrain from punching anyone in the face." Ms. Barnes said with a small smile.

Castiel felt his anger diminish and nodded, returning the smile.

"Thank you, Ms. Barnes."

"You're welcome, Castiel. Now get outta here."

OoO

Dean had heard through the gossip mill that Castiel had been sent home for the day, and he took the opportunity to skip 3rd period and try to catch Cas as he left the school. He stood outside the front doors, ignoring the chill that was flowing through him. He was startled when the front door of the school swung open, a surprisingly calm looking Castiel filing out.

"Castiel, I need to talk to you" Dean said, clearly spooking the smaller man as he didn't realize Dean was standing there.

"What, you come out here to get your revenge, Dean? Because I promise you I will not hesitate to fight back." Castiel said. Dean never realized down deep and gravelly Cas's voice was. There was a power to it that he never noticed before.

"No, no man. Just please. I want to talk to you." Dean pleaded.

Castiel scoffed.

"I have nothing to say to you, Dean Winchester." Cas said, starting to walk away.

Dean reached out and grabbed Castiel's arm and when Cas tried to yank it away, Dean held on tighter, gripping Cas's other arm, turning his body and pressing him against the wall, pushing his arm against Castiel's chest to keep him in place. Castiel fought wildly.

"Castiel fucking stop it, okay? Just let me talk to you then I'll leave you alone forever." Dean said through gritted teeth, trying to keep Cas still. Man, that kid had some serious fight in him.

Castiel stopped fighting but remained tense, as if he was going to bolt the second he had the chance.

"What do you want, Dean? I'm not really in the mood for any of your shit."

"I wanted to apologize, for the party. I shouldn't have reacted like I did and I feel like a big dick about it." Dean said, hoping Cas seen the sincerity in his eyes.

Cas let out a humorless laugh, and Dean was able to feel the hot breath of Cas on his face, as he still had him pinned to the wall. He tried to ignore the warm feeling that washed through his body from being that close to Cas.

"You apologize? Wow, that's rich. You started a fucking hate campaign on me, Dean. You and your friends have done nothing but terrorize me since that stupid fucking party."

"Castiel, I swear I haven't done or said anything since the party. I had nothing to do with your locker or what my friends have done to you or Samandriel."

Cas narrowed his eyes, searching Dean's expression.

"Hard to believe coming from the guy who shoved me down and threatened me if I ever touched you again? Doesn't it make you uncomfortable being this close to me, Dean?" Cas started, leaning his face in closer to Dean's, their noses touching. He could feel Cas's breath on his lips and he swallowed hard. "Aren't you afraid that I'm going to kiss you or shove my gay tongue down your manly straight throat?" Cas asked.

Dean stared into Cas's eyes. Man, they were blue. They were so close, the gap could so easily be closed between them. It would be so simple to just push forward and feel the press of those full, pink lips against his. But no. No. Dean wasn't gay. And so he forced himself to stay still, ignoring the urges he felt.

"I'm sorry, Castiel. I freaked out. That's never happened to me before and I just reacted badly. I'm not afraid that you'll 'rub your gay off on me' and I promise you that I don't think any less of you or anybody else like you for being gay. Just, please believe me man." Dean pleaded.

"Why do you care so much, Dean?" Cas asked, pulling his face away from Dean's, resting his head against the cold concrete of the wall behind him. Dean immediately missed the warmth.

"Because someone pointed out to me how big of an asshole I've been, and Sam is pissed at me for being such a dick and he's right. You didn't deserve what happened and I won't do anything like that again. I won't pick on you or anyone else who might be gay, because I just don't want to be that person. My dad is like that and I need Sam to grow up knowing that the world isn't such a hateful place."

Cas did that staring thing that he was so famous for and slowly nodded.

"Fine, Dean. You're forgiven but I do not wish to become your friend. And I would appreciate you letting me go home now." Cas said impassively.

Dean considered it a small victory as he forced himself away from the warmth and sweet scent of Cas and watched as Cas pushed himself off the wall, adjusting the black pea coat he was wearing.

"Thanks, Cas. For hearing me out."

"Yeah, okay. See you around, Dean." Cas said, not making eye contacts he he started to walk off. Dean watched him and sighed. Maybe one day he could make things right with Cas.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys I am sooo sorry for neglecting this but I've been real busy and got into the wonderful world of Omegle RP which takes up an embarrassingly large chunk of my time so I've put writing on the back burner. But I wrote you guys a short little chapter and I hope it's sufficient. Love you all :D

Things had settled down just a little bit after his talk with Dean. He still had to put up with Dean's friends but after his show of dominance the bullying had died down. His group of friends had welcomed Samandriel into their tight knit friendship with open arms, the normally shy boy opening up and flourishing. It made Castiel happy, knowing he made a small difference in this boy's life. Everybody needed a friend, and what's better than one friend is an entire group of good friends. He had initially got into trouble when his parents found out what he did but when Gabriel stepped in and defended him, telling them just why he was prompted to fight, his dad patted him on the back and told him he was proud of him for sticking up for what he believed in. His mother scolded their father for praising him for using violence but told Cas she too was proud of him, his only punishment was having to wash that night's dinner dishes.

About a week after his epic showdown with Adam, he had been sitting at his usual lunch table with Garth, Chuck, Kevin and Samandriel when Jo approached them with a chipper-looking little red head, sitting down and dragging her new friend down with her.

"Guys, this is Charlie, she's new. And she's a lesbian!" she said excitedly, like a child with a new toy.

"Hi, Charlie the lesbian. I'm Castiel the gay" Cas said, reaching a hand across the table to shake her hand, which the smaller girl did with enthusiasm.

"Oh, I know who you are. I've heard the rumors. You're a fucking boss, dude. I wish I could have seen you take that prick down." Charlie said animatedly, earning a chuckle from Cas.

"Jo wastes no time in spreading around the latest gossip, huh?" he asked, kicking Jo's leg under the table.

"Ow, hey, she had to know that I have Bruce Lee as my best friend" she said, reaching across the table to take one of Kevin's French fries, popping it into her mouth.

"Either way, I think it's great, dude. My old school was a bit more tolerant about gay people so I'm not used to the stares and whispers, but it's friggen great knowing that there's people like you and your friends willing to stick up for the rights of us dear homosexuals" Charlie beamed, and damn her energy was addicting, Cas felt giddy just being around the excitable red head.

"Well, thank you. It's nice to know we have another gay on our growing team" he joked, nudging Samandriel with his shoulder, causing the smaller boy to laugh. He chuckled also, looking around when he felt eyes on him. His blue eyes met the green of Dean's, who quickly looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. He was still pissed at Dean. He was glad to know Dean hadn't been part of any of the more brutal bullying but he still disliked Dean as a person. He could barely remember why he had ever been so enamored with the larger man in the first place. Probably because he had tunnel vision at the time, only choosing to see the good in Dean until the bullying had been directed at himself. Dean was still undeniably attractive, but personality always won over looks when it came to Castiel and as far as he knew, Dean's personality was nothing to write home about.

He talked with his friends and devoured his lunch, sighing deeply when the bell signaling the end of lunch rang. Back to reality. And of course he just had to have the next class with Dean. Of course.

OoO

The week after Castiel's blow up had been sufficiently awkward to say the least. Dean found himself replaying that kiss over and over in his head, the fresh smell of Cas, the color of his eyes and was absolutely mortified when he woke up rock hard and covered in come after a very vivid dream he had of the smaller man. He chocked it up to the less than ordinary events that had taken place the past couple of weeks, because no, he wasn't gay, especially not for Castiel Novak.

He found himself staring as Castiel playfully nudged Samandriel and didn't even become aware of his brows furrowing. He wondered if Cas and Samandriel were together, and hated himself just a little bit more when he discovered the thought of them together, all gay and proud, kissing and holding hands, made him sick with jealousy.

He quickly looked away when those stupid big blue eyes looked in to his, and there was no way his heart skipped a beat when they did. Nope. Because he was not gay and definitely not interested in Novak.

Relief filled his system when the bell rang for class. He knew he shared it with Cas but he could just sit beside one of his friends and ignore the other man, and so he threw out his trash and gathered his things and started his journey to class.

He was stopped in the middle of his journey when he was stopped by Sam, who wanted to tell him that he didn't need a ride home, that he was going straight to Gabriel's after school, Cas was apparently cooking some chicken thing that Sam went crazy for that night and he just  _couldn't_ miss it. He told Sam 'Okay' and tried not to wish that he could come over and have Cas cook for him, like a boyfriend would do, because,  _nope,_ Dean was not gay.

His interaction with Sam had caused him to be late for class and to his dismay all the seats were taken. All but one. One beside a blue eyed messy haired little dude with an ugly sweater and a beautiful face and  _nope,_ not going there. He sighed deeply and made his way over to Cas, sitting down beside him and trying to ignore the comfort that washed over his body as he took in Cas' calming scent. He noticed Cas go out of his way to not look at him and while he was disappointed, it was probably better for both if they just didn't speak. Cas was a strong willed dude and Dean couldn't help but to admire Cas' strength. So much for the stereotype of gays being weak and fragile. But that was Cas, always breaking social norms. He sighed and picked his bag up off the floor, digging through it and cursing himself when he discovered that he had forgot his notes that he wrote a few days prior. He hesitated for a moment before looking over to Cas, poking his arm.

"Hey, uh, I can't find my notes, could I quick take a look at yours to copy them down?" he asked Cas, who's brows were knitted together.

Cas took his notebook off his desk and handed it to Dean, who smiled when he took it.

"Thanks, Cas. I appreciate it" he said sincerely, starting to open the note book when he seen a sudden look of terror on Cas' face.

"Shit, wait Dean, no!" Cas said, color drained from his face, reaching to get the notebook back, but it was too late.

Dean stared down at the note book, his heart skipping a beat. He recognized that printing. It was the same printing that was used on the notes that were sent to him.

He looked at Cas in complete and utter shock.

"You're wrote those notes.." he said quietly, eyes wide.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, sorry about that but thank you for all the kudos and comments and bookmarks, you guys are the best!! <3
> 
> Also, a bit of a long shot but does anyone do fan art? I would love to have a photo for this shorty but I can't draw to save my life. If not that's alrighty, I just thought it would be nice :3

Castiel was less than impressed when Dean had sat beside him, just his luck, right? He was still reeling from the previous week and though he had initially decided to forgive Dean for the outburst at Gordon's party, he couldn't shake the feelings of hurt and disappointment when he had discovered that his long time crush wasn't who he had believed him to be, and so he opted to ignore Dean after the larger boy sat down beside him.

He sighed and started to study the text they were supposed to memorize when he felt a finger poke his arm. He internally cringed before turning his head to shoot Dean an annoyed glance.

"Hey, uh, I can't find my notes, could I quick take a look at yours to copy them down?" Dean asked, and without thinking, being the nice guy he was, he grabbed his note book off his desk and handed it to Dean.

"Thanks, Cas. I appreciate it" Dean said in return for the note book, and as soon as those words were spoken, the color drained from Cas' face when the realization hit him. He made no effort to disguise his printing in the notes he had written to Dean, and unless the green eyed boy was extremely dense and didn't put two and two together, he would without a doubt come to the conclusion that the very guy he shoved away for kissing him was the one behind the infamous notes.

"Shit, wait Dean, no!" Castiel exclaimed, horror in his eyes as he scrambled to retrieve the book from Dean's grasp, but his efforts were fruitless as Dean had already opened the book up, his eyes going wide.

Castiel looked at Dean, heart pounding in his chest. He felt panicked, like he just got caught doing something really wrong and in retrospect, he did. He wrote those notes and continued even though he  _knew_ Dean believed they were from a girl.

When Dean's shocked eyes met his, he swallowed hard.

"You're wrote those notes.." Dean said so quietly it might as well have been a whisper.

Cas stared at Dean for what felt like a life time, unable to form any words before reaching forward and snatching his book from Dean, grabbing his book bag off the floor, quickly cramming his belongings in it before getting up so quick his chair fell back, drawing his classmate's attention over to him and Dean.  
"I uh, I need to go, Ms. Mills. I feel ill" Castiel offered lamely when their teacher looked at him for an explanation to his sudden movements.

"Very well, Castiel. Go see the nurse and feel better" Ms. Mills offered with a sympathetic smile.

"Cas, wait..." Dean said, but Cas needed to get out of there, he needed air and he needed to be alone, so he bolted, leaving the classroom quickly and darting down the hall as soon as he stepped out of the suddenly stuffy room. He was relieved when Dean hadn't followed him. What was he supposed to do? What if Dean got so pissed that he beat the shit out of him? What if he told everyone and they all made a joke out of him again? What would his friends think? His brother? It was all too much.

OoO

When Castiel rushed out of the room, a large part of Dean wanted to chase after him, stop him and ask him 'why?', another part wanted to grab him by the face, stroke those slightly stubble covered cheeks and pull him in for a heated kiss, and it was that thought that made Dean stay firmly planted in his seat, body numb with shock. Is that why Cas had kissed him? The realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

In the note that was sent after Gordon's party, the anon- Cas- had said that he used to like Dean, but after seeing who he "really was" those feelings had dissipated and he was disappointed in ever thinking Dean was special. Fast forward to Cas' outburst in the hallway when Samandriel was under attack, almost the exact same words were spat at him when he tried to reason with Cas, directly from Cas' mouth.

He didn't realize it at the time, but it made perfect sense now. Everything. He had hurt Castiel, treated him like shit when before Cas had thought the world of him. That strongly worded note was his own personal feelings, and he could almost see the script as if it was in front of him.

_"Have a day as shitty as you made that Castiel kid feel, Dean."_

Cas was speaking from the heart, Cas wanted him to feel just as shitty as he had made Cas feel.

Dean had never felt more confused, so guilty, so angry in his life. On one hand the idea of Castiel being his admirer was endearing, Cas was strong, smart, loyal, cute- and before those thoughts could continue, the other side of Dean interrupted. On the other hand, Cas was a dude. A dude that wrote sappy notes and shoved them in Dean's locker like a love struck school girl. He continued to send them even after Dean's pleas for his anon to make herself- well,  _himself_  known.

Dean had never felt so conflicted in his life. He was going through an internal battle about his feelings, about his sexuality. How could even a fraction of him be elated that Cas wrote the notes? He wasn't gay. Homosexuality was a sin and it was wrong and never in his life had the thought of being with another boy crossed his mind before he got to taste Castiel's soft, full lips.

He didn't want to be gay. Did those thoughts make him gay? Maybe he was just confused, but he refused to even entertain the idea of being with anybody other than a female. Even if his heart was screaming for him to find Cas and tell him he's not mad, that's sorry for everything he's done, that he'll make it up to him and prove to the brunette that he can be the amazing guy Cas had thought he was. Because, he wasn't gay. There was no way he could be gay.

OoO

Castiel went straight home, thankful that his parents were both at work. He hadn't received any threatening text messages or phone calls so he assumed for now, Dean had kept that small tidbit of information to himself, which of course he was thankful for but there was still time for everything to go horribly wrong. The only comfort he had in all of this is knowing even if his friends were disappointed in him for being so stupid to post love notes in Dean fucking Winchester's locker, they would stick by him and defend him to the end if things got sticky at school.

He decided to hide out in his room, making himself a sandwich and bringing a couple of cans of soda and a bag of cookies up with him with the intention of not coming out the rest of the day, leaving a note on the counter telling Gabriel to order a pizza for him and Sam, knowing the younger Winchester was coming over, writing a small apology to Sam for not cooking his favorite meal that evening and promising to make it on the weekend.

At around 6 that night, he was watching the 4th movie in the Halloween series, in the mood for something violent and distracting to watch when he heard the door bell ring, which of course, he ignored.

About 2 minutes later an angry looking blonde girl came bursting through his door, putting her hands on her hips and looking at Cas with annoyance.

"You skipped today and ignored all of our texts and calls, we were worried sick about you Castiel James!" she scolded.

"Dean knows, Jo. He knows I wrote the notes. I couldn't be there" Cas said quietly, looking up to his friend who's expression had softened as she walked over to his bed, sitting down and grabbing his hand.

"Oh, Cas..." she said softly, shaking her head. She was going to need to find Dean and talk to him about this before he did anything stupid to her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda a lame place to end but I was getting distracted by my daughter :p  
> I'm having a hard time continuing this, I have such bad writer's block it's not even funny and the longer I go without posting the more I lose interest, which sucks so hard because I got so much enjoyment out of writing this when I first started. So I apologize if my chapters become shittier over time, I'm trying really hard to keep the same quality of writing it had at the beginning but it's getting difficult D:


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am immensely apologetic for not updating. I wish I could give a legitimate excuse as to why I've went MIA but I don't have one, I'm simply uninterested in this story anymore :( I will be trying to find a way to end it soon to your guys' satisfaction though for I find it unfair to leave you without an ending but until then, I'll write another chapter. Sorry again and thank you for your continued support.

The next day left Dean feeling anxious and uneasy, a large part of him was disappointed when he didn't see that familiar mop of messy brunette hair sitting in class, but another, smaller part of him was relieved. How was he supposed to face Castiel after all of this? He had a reputation to maintain, and not only that, it was hardwired in his brain that what he was feeling wasn't normal, and there wasn't a shadow of doubt that if by chance he did succumb to these growing feelings, his father would react less than favorably. His mind toyed with the idea of talking to his mother about it, she was always the more understanding of the Winchester parents but he knew she would make a big deal out of it, so he did what he always did. He repressed his feelings and swallowed down, hoping, praying that this "phase" he suspected he was going through would pass.

His efforts to keep Cas off his mind the first few classes of the day proved to be fruitless, his eyes always landing on the older Novak's empty seat, and it didn't help his situation anymore when the teacher would be calling attendance and when Cas' name was called, one of his obviously mature friends would make a quip along the lines of "he's too busy at home sucking dick" or "he probably can't walk after jerkin' it so much to gay porn" causing bouts of laughter to erupt from their classmates, and waves of apprehension to roll through him. He would be shunned by everyone, bullied off the football team, frequently tormented if anyone even knew he was entertaining the idea of being something more that Cas' bully.

The first two periods went by excruciatingly slow, and he was completely unfocused, staring at the clock like it had the answers to all life's questions. He was just eager for the lunch bell to ring, to get out of the school and take a drive or something so he could actually breathe for 5 minutes.

It wasn't hard to see that something was off about the green eyed boy. He didn't join in any of the conversation with his teammates, and attention was drawn frequently to him when the teacher would sigh in annoyance, asking him if they were boring him due to his blatant lack of interest in whatever the teacher was rambling on about. He would just shrug and say he wasn't feeling to good, and since his teachers were so used to him goofing off in class and socializing, they bought his excuse thanks to his uncharacteristic silence.

After what felt like forever, the lunch bell finally did ring, much to Dean's relief. He once again blew off his friends who had invited him to join them for a trip to some disgusting sushi place that the cheerleading team was all gung-ho about, and since the males on the football team wanted to get it in with the cheerleaders, they of course agreed to go. He politely declined, though and opted instead to go to his car and take a trip down to the small lake he usually ended up at when he needed to think, and that's what led him to the parking lot, letting out a groan when he seen a small, unimpressed blonde girl sitting on the hood of his car.

"What can I do for you, Jo?" he asked enthusiastically as he approached the car, standing in front of her and raising an eyebrow. He hasn't spoke to Jo since the incident with spray painted locker, the one that earned him a slap in the face and a firm lecture. He was surprised that Jo kept quiet about it to her mom and Bobby, but he had a sinking feeling that he wasn't going to be let off the hook that easily this time around.

Jo crossed her arms across her chest and started at Dean for a good moment, sizing him up like a boxer would before a fight. "You gonna tell me what happened with Castiel?" she asked sternly. She meant business.

Dean felt his heart skip a beat at the mere mention of Cas' name, shrugging his shoulders dramatically. "Don't know what you're talking about," he replied languidly, "now can I go, because I'd really like to grab a burger. You're cutting into valuable lunch time here, Harvelle."

Jo scoffed and slid off the hood of his sleek black car, stepping closer to him and poking her bony finger hard against his chest, her jaw clenched and lips pressed into a hard line. "You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. I know you know he wrote you those notes."

Dean ran a frustrated hand down his face, his mind racing thinking of a million different ways he could get away from Jo and avoid the interrogation. "Yeah, so what. Fag wants my dick, big deal. No surprise there." He mumbled, the words tasting bitter on his tongue.

Unsurprisingly, Jo's hand reeled back and laid a sharp slap against Dean's cheek, her eyes full of rage. "You do not get to talk about my friend that way, you dick wad. I swear to God, Dean. You are so fucking thick headed. Your mother did not raise you to be such a douche. I'm done with you making Castiel feel like shit. And if you tell anyone, or you so much as lay a finger on him, I will kill you myself" she threatened, seriousness lacing her voice.

Dean's hand flew up to touch his now burning cheek, a humorless huff of laughter passing his lips. He just couldn't deal with any of this Castiel business anymore. He was losing his mind. How was it possible for one nerdy little messy haired doe eyed kid to have such a damn effect on his life?

"Wow, okay. First of all, I wasn't going to tell anybody. Don't want that shit getting out. I was stupid enough to think someone real and you know, female wrote those letters. I dumped Lisa for those letters. I fucking begged the person to come out because they made me feel good. And all along it was the school gay Cas." Dean spat out, the emotions he has been attempting to bottle up coming to the surface.

Jo shook her head in revulsion, biting the inside of her cheek and forcing herself to hold back from hitting Dean again. "Are you stupid? Whether you like to admit it or not, you cared about Cas. Maybe not directly but out of every person you've ever come across, his opinion meant something to you when you didn't know who he was. His words made you feel special. For some fucked up reason beyond my comprehension, that kid was fucking head over heels for you. He thought the sun shone out your ass. Was he stupid for writing those notes? Hell yes. But he lives in world where if he told you directly how he felt, he would get a punch in the face and a truck load of insults and death threats. Just because he has a cock, and also enjoys cock, doesn't make him any less of the person your stupid ass fell for. Just some food for thought, ass hat." Jo said bitterly.

Dean stared at her for a minute, trying to come up with a come back, some insults, some more homophobic remarks toward Cas, but he couldn't do it. Her words hit him like a ton of bricks and it took the breath right out of him. "I...I didn't fall for him." he mumbled, looking down at his shoe as he scuffed it on the pavement below.  
Jo blinked at him, sucking in a breath. The puzzle was slowly starting to come together. She had heard Dean has been weird all day, refusing to join in on the daily gay bashing of Cas. She softened her expression and put a hand on his shoulder, surprised when he didn't jerk out of her hold. "You have feelings for him, don't you?" she asked.

Dean took a deep breath, closing his eyes and slowly exhaling. Fuck. This is so what he didn't need. He wanted to go on a long spiel about how ridiculous she was being, as if he'd have feelings for Castiel fucking Novak. But all that came out of his mouth was a quiet, broken "no" that even he could hear the lie in.

Jo sighed sadly, gripping his shoulder comfortingly. It didn't take a genius to know Dean was lying, he either had feelings for Cas or he was confused about his feelings on Cas, but either way, there was something there. Some level of fondness that he refused to admit. "Look, Dean. I get it, I really do. You're the big stereotypical hunky womanizing Dean Winchester, popular and feared and respected. Of course you aren't going to admit you have any interest in another guy, especially one as bullied as Cas. But before I leave to let you wallow in self-pity, think of how Cas made you feel. Nobody else is ever going to adore you the way he did. Of course now he hates you but that's because you were so busy putting on a big manly macho front that you masked who you really are. You may never get a chance with someone like Cas again in your life. Nobody may ever make you feel that special, that admired, that loved again. So he has a dick, big deal. He also has a big heart, he's smart, funny, he's damn hot, too. I mean if that boy was straight, I'd be on that like white on rice. So, my point is, you can either keep lying to yourself, make yourself and Castiel feel like shit so you can finish your senior year in peace, being respected by people you'll probably never speak to again after graduation or you can grow a pair and fight for Cas, fight for love, fight for happiness. The choice is yours, Winchester." she ranted, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his previously slapped cheek, patting his shoulder and walking off back into the school, leaving Dean to stand there lost in his thoughts.

He stared down at the ground, biting his lower lip in thought. He didn't care about Cas. He didn't care about his stupid notes. The way they made him feel like he was the only guy in the world. He wasn't memorized by those stupid big blue eyes. And there was no way that head tilt he did when he was confused was adorable. He didn't even notice how good he smelled, like fresh grass and summer time. He didn't want those pretty, soft pink lips pressed against his. He didn't. Because he was Dean Winchester. Quarterback and womanizer. Popular, macho, respected dude who was... _fuck._ Totally in love with Cas Novak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you are sweet nuggets. Hope it was okay. I'll try so hard not to wait so long to update again and you guys are my sun and my moon for sticking with me and giving me constant feedback and encouragement. Big hugs and kisses for all of you!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so uh, it's been a while, huh? I know ya'll probably want to rip my head off for not updating in so long and I sincerely apologize. Life got in the way, and I've been feeling really low lately, and I'm just trying to piece myself back together. I'm hoping that getting back into writing will help me with that. Slowly but surely things are getting less hectic, though, so here you are. I'm probably ending this in the next chapter, because I just can't focus on this one particular story anymore. But I am racking my brain for ideas to either write a one shot or another story in the very near future, so I hope that make up for this disaster of a fic. Anyway, enough of the pity party. This will be short but I hope you enjoy!

Castiel returned to school 2 days later, after Jo assured him that Dean wouldn't shove him into a locker or beat him to a bloody pulp, he deemed it safe enough to return to his studies. He was informed that dear Joanna had a conversation with Dean, and much to his chagrin, she refused to spill the details of said conversation, instead opting to tell him not to worry about it, and all that matters is that Dean isn't going to either tell anyone or cause any bodily harm to him, and for now, that was going to have to be good enough for him, because trying to get Jo to budge on something she doesn't want to do was like trying to find a word that rhymed with orange. It just wasn't happening.  
  
Despite Jo's reassurance, he couldn't help but to feel wave after wave of anxiety flow through his lithe body as he opened the doors that led into the school, a part of him feeling like he was going to be bombarded the moment he stepped foot inside, pelted with insults and punches. His imagination had a sick habit of running away with him, often sifting out the worst case scenario causing him to go through unnecessary panic. But thankfully, when he actually did step inside the school, nobody even gave him a second glance. He had never been so thankful in his life to be an outcast and a virtual nobody.   
  
Still, there was the pressing matter of seeing Dean.   
  
Thankfully, he managed to avoid the green eyed boy for the first half of school, but it was at lunch when he finally spotted him. Their eyes met across the cafeteria as he was walking in and Castiel swore he could feel his heart skip a beat. Blue eyes met green, blending like fresh grass and a cloudless sky, and he was a little dumbfounded when he saw no animosity or hatred in those beautiful orbs, instead detecting something similar to longing in them.  
  
He was the first to break eye contact, licking his lips and bringing his hand up to rub on the back of his neck, looking down at his feet as he walked to his regular table, sitting down with his group of friends, who thankfully had next to no clue what was going on between him and the older Winchester. Nobody but Jo, that is, who gave him a sympathetic look that made him want to go outside, bury a deep hole, and lie in it until all of this was over.   
  
He let out a deep, pitiful sigh and stared down at the table, his brows slightly furrowed in thought.   


“Why so glum, chum?” Garth asked, kicking Cas' foot from under the table, breaking him out of his Dean induced trance.  
  
Cas lazily shrugged his shoulders, looking up to meet the questioning gaze of his friend.   
  
“S'nothing. Just tired is all” he murmured, uncaring if anyone bought the lie. He could sense that Garth was going to persist on the matter when he noticed Samandriel tense up, the smaller boy gripping onto Cas' arm.   
  
He frowned at his new friend's sudden change in demeanor, he was just laughing with Chuck about something, and looked at him, noticing he was staring at something so he turned his head to follow Samandriel's line of vision and swallowed thickly when he seen none other than Dean friggen' Winchester approach their table.   
  
“Why is he coming over here?” Samandriel asked, nerves evident in his voice.  
  
“I don't know.” he mumbled back, looking to Jo who looked equally confused.   
  
For a fleeting moment he thought that maybe Jo was wrong. Perhaps he was on his way to exert his dominance and show Castiel exactly how he felt about the “school queer” writing him love letters like a middle school girl with a crush, and his heart raced at the thought.   
  
It was that thought that made it even more shocking when Dean approached the table, his eyes cast down on Cas, no maliciousness or anger to be sensed.   
  
“Hey, uh, Castiel. You think we can talk? I mean, alone.” Dean said, earning a plethora of confused and apprehensive faces around their small table of misfits.   
  
Cas scoffed, shaking his head.   
  
“Why? You gonna punch me? Perhaps shove me into a locker or lure me away so you and your knucklehead friends can 'beat the gay' out of me?” he spat, internally proud of himself for not succumbing to the nerves he was actually feeling.   
  
What threw him off was that Dean looked a little hurt at the accusations, the taller boy shaking his head slowly.   
  
“No. It's nothing bad. Well, I don't know if it is, but uh, you know. Nobody is going to hurt you. I just need to talk to you. About the _notes_ you let me copy from in class.” Dean replied, his brow raising to emphasize his point, and Cas knew immediately what he was referring to.   
  
“5 minutes. That's it. I would like to enjoy my lunch” he said sternly, pointedly ignoring the concerned looks of his friends, and even more disturbingly the look of hope on Jo's face.   
  
“Be careful, Cas. If you need us we're right here.” Kevin said, and if looks could kill, the glare he was shooting at Dean would have made him drop on the spot.  
  
“Thanks, Kev. I'll be fine, though.” he reassured, standing up and looking over at Dean.   
  
“Not here.” Dean said simply, nodding his head toward an empty table at the back of the cafeteria. It was right by the garbage cans so most people tended to avoid sitting there. It would make a semi-private, albeit smelly place to talk.   
  
“Very well.” he replied, not waiting for Dean before stalking off to the back table, plopping down and crinkling his nose at the foul stench, waiting for Dean to hurry his ass up and get the show on the road.   
  
Sure enough, some 30 seconds later, Dean joined him, sitting in the seat across from him, looking absolutely wrecked. Cas hadn't got a good look before but now that they were closer he could see dark circles under Dean's stupidly beautiful eyes, and his normally perfectly coiffed hair was in disarray, sticking up from all angles, and even more perplexing is Dean looked _nervous._ Cas couldn't recall a time where he had ever witnessed that expression on Dean's face. Still, he wanted to get down to business.  
  
“If you're here to bully me, or threaten me, save it, okay? Those notes were a mistake, and rest assure, I definitely don't feel the same way anymore. It was stupid and I promise nobody will find out I wrote them.” he said, clasping his hands and resting them on the table.   
  
Dean frowned deeply and looked like a kicked puppy.  
  
“No, dude. I'm not here to fucking bully you, okay?” he said, voice tired.  
  
Cas raised his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly.   
  
“Then what do you want?”   
  
Dean exhaled deeply and ran his hand through his hair. He looked like a fucking basket case.   
  
“I uhm, fuck. I don't even know where to start, dude.” he said, clearly flustered. “Look, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Like, a lot. I've been losing my fucking mind over this, Cas. You have no idea. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. About everything.” he continued, clearly rambling.  
  
Cas sighed softly and slumped slightly in his seat. He had no idea where Dean was going with this or what the hell he was talking about, and he was feeling mildly annoyed. It didn't help that the eyes of most of their peers in the cafeteria were glued to the pair, obviously perplexed as to why they were sitting together.  
  
“Spit it out, Dean.” he said, wanting Dean to get to the point.  
  
“Well, fuck. You don't know how hard this is for me to say, man. But, I'm not mad about the notes. I mean, I was at first. I wanted to kill you. I wanted to kill every dude in this school who liked other dudes. And I realized, I was so fucking mad at you, at Samandriel, because...fuck. Because I realized I like you too.” Dean finally said, watery eyes staring at Cas.  
  
Cas felt like he got the wind knocked out of him, and for a moment, time stood still. He even went as far as to pinch his thigh to make sure he wasn't daydreaming. Did Dean Winchester just come out to him? More importantly, did Dean Winchester just tell him he _liked_ him?   
  
“If this is a joke, Dean. It's not funny. That isn't something to fuck around about and you've done your fair share of hurting me, so drop the act, okay?” Cas said with a frown.   
  
His eyes widened and he jumped when Dean smashed his fist down on the table, debating on whether or not to get up and make a run for it, but when he met Dean's gaze and looked at his red rimmed eyes, he could see the pain in them, and he let himself relax slightly.  
  
“I'm not fucking around, Castiel. Do you know how hard this is for me? I fucking love you. You and your stupid ugly sweaters. And your nice eyes. And your ability to stay strong and stick up for your friends. You're not afraid of who you are, and I'm so fucking sorry for making you think I was a dick, I swear I'm not like that.” he pleaded. “Give me a chance to prove to you that I can be the guy you wrote about in those notes.”  
  
Cas stared at Dean, dumbfounded. He felt tears prick his eyes and it felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. This couldn't be real. It had to be a dream. It felt like a damn movie.  
  
“I...I don't know what to say, Dean. You've done a lot of bad things, and I think you're just confused right now, and if I even did give you a chance would you hold my hand in public? Kiss me in the hallway?” Cas asked, leaning forward slightly to look Dean in the eyes.  
  
“I know I have, and I promise I'll make it up to you. I'm not confused, Cas. I have feelings for you. Like fucking gushy, chick flick feelings and crap” he replied, shrugging his shoulders at Cas' other question. “I...I wouldn't be able to do that. But we could, I don't know, date in private or something. You know? Our little secret? Hey, don't cry, okay?”   
  
Cas didn't even realize tears were streaming down his cheeks until Dean mentioned it, his hands immediately flying up to brush the wet streaks away. He bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head before standing, looking down at Dean.   
  
“I worked too hard to fight for homosexual rights, Dean. I would be a hypocrite and I would be disappointing myself if I agreed to be someone's secret. If you love someone, then nothing else matters. Two against the world. You fight the hate together. I want to be with someone who's proud of me. Someone who will kiss me in a room full of people. I refuse to be your dirty little secret. I learned that I'm worth more than that. I'm sorry” he said, voice breaking.   
  
It took all he had in him to walk away from that table. His heart felt heavy and he just wanted to cry. Dean Winchester told him he was in love with him. He should be over the moon. But he left the other boy behind, and it hurt. He was proud of himself, though. For someone who had zero self worth a couple of months ago, he was strong enough go walk away. He knew he deserved better.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know that seems like the end but it's not. Got one more chapter for you sweet baby muffins. I promise promise promise it won't take me months to update again, and I aim to finish this before the week ends. So, hope you liked it and hope you still all enjoy this story after all this time!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, we have finally come to an end, friends. Thank you all so much for sticking with me throughout this journey and putting up with my shit, haha. Y'all are the bees knees and all that jazz. So, here you are. The last chapter!

Dean sat at the table feeling absolutely dumbfounded. He expected that to go a lot smoother. He was fucking humiliated. He just poured his heart out for Castiel, and he was rejected. Not even given a chance to prove to the blue eyed boy that he wasn't the monster he was made out to be. It felt like there was a meteor sized hole in his heart and they only person capable of filling it was Cas.  
  
The situation left Dean with a bitter taste in his mouth. He dug the heel of his palms into his eyes so hard that little explosions of stars could be seen behind his lids, wanting desperately to rid himself of any traces of tears that filled his eyes, to save himself perhaps just an ounce of humiliation from his less than successful conversation with the older Novak.   
  
He abruptly stood and took a deep breath before storming out of the cafeteria. If Cas didn't want him then that was his problem. He should be jumping at the chance to be with him, after all it was kind of a big deal that he was even willing to date Cas, even if it was in private, as he would be the only male to ever be with Dean. Cas should have been flattered by the offer.   
  
He had hoped to make a clean get away, to just leave the school and go home for the day to sulk and feel sorry for himself, but much to his chagrin he heard a set of footsteps running behind him followed by the voice that lately has been making him cringe. Fucking Jo.   
  
“Dean! What the fuck did you say to Cas!?” she demanded, anger lacing her voice.   
  
Dean bit the inside of his cheek and tried compose himself. He didn't want to hear whatever lecture Jo was going to give him. He didn't think he was in the wrong here, and he wasn't in the mood to defend himself to Cas' female body guard, and so he kept walking, picking up the pace and taking longer strides. Why couldn't this nightmare just be over with already? He didn't get far though until he felt a small hand on his arm, gripping the sleeve of his worn leather jacket and forcefully spinning him around. Jo, when she was determined, was admittedly strong as fuck.   
  
“What the fuck do you want, Joanna? I'm not in the mood, okay?” he spat, fists clenched at his side.   
  
Jo's expression of pure fury only intensified, her grip on his sleeve tightening.  
  
“What did you say to Cas? I swear to fucking God, Dean, if you did something to upset that boy again I will not hesitate to...”   
  
“I told him I was in love with him and he flipped his lid so shut the fuck up and let me go” Dean hissed, effectively cutting Jo off from the lecture she was about to lay on him.  
  
Jo's expression would almost be comedic if it wasn't for the circumstances. She was gaping at him, brown eyes widened. For once in her life, she was rendered speechless.   
  
“Now, can you kindly let me the fuck go?” he asked through clenched teeth.  
  
“Dean...” Jo started, but once again, Dean cut her off.  
  
“Don't, Jo. Just don't. Leave it alone.”   
  
“No, I won't leave it alone, Dean. What the fuck is your problem? What happened?” she asked, voice indicating that she meant business. She wouldn't let it slide.  
  
Dean scoffed and ran a hand through his sandy hair in frustration.   
  
“What happened? The fucker rejected me. I thought this is what he wanted. I poured my damn soul out to him and he rejected me. Said he deserved better.”   
  
Jo quirked a brow at the statement. That didn't sound like Cas. He might not have been Dean's biggest fan at the time but if Dean actually came out to him and told him how he felt, Cas wouldn't be so heartless to say he deserved better. Something wasn't adding up.   
  
“So you told him how you felt?” she asked.  
  
“That's what I said.”  
  
“You apologized for being such a massive dickwad?”  
  
“Fuck, Jo. Yes. I did, okay?”  
  
“And you asked him to date you?”  
  
“More or less. I asked him to give me a chance.”  
  
“So you were willing to come out to the school and openly be with him?”  
  
“Well, no. I told him we could date in secret. And the asshole walked out on me.”  
  
Jo punched Dean in the arm with her free hand, the other still busy gripping his jacket.  
  
“Are you dense, Dean Winchester? Seriously. Did your mother drop you on your thick head as a baby?” she said, a deep frown set on her face.   
  
“What? He should have been fucking thrilled, Jo. But he rejected me. Like an asshole.”   
  
“Oh, shut up. Think about someone other than yourself for 5 damn seconds. Cas has been through so much, Dean. He has been bullied, kicked, punched, fucking spit on, all because he liked other guys. So he repressed it. He didn't pursue anyone. Kept any crushes he had to himself. Until that stupid fucking note. It was the best and worse thing that's ever happened to him. He became strong. Proud of who he was. He fought for himself and for other gay kids in the school. He became an example. Someone that people like Samandriel could look up to. You're asking him to hide again, and that's fucking selfish. He's a great guy, Dean. And he deserves someone who will hold his hand in the hallway. Someone who will take him on dates and kiss him stupid against a locker. He didn't say he's too good for _you_ he said he was too good to let someone try and shove him back into the closet.” she said sternly, closing her eyes and letting out a deep sigh before opening them again and looking at Dean, her expression softening slightly.   
  
“I get it, okay? You don't want to come out, you're not ready to. And that's okay. But one day someone is going to come along and sweep Cas off his feet while you're sitting on the sidelines. Cas needs someone who will shout their love for him from the rooftops. He deserves it. All I'm saying is if you're truly in love with Castiel, you know what to do.” she conceded, finally releasing her grip on his jacket, smoothing it out with her hand and giving his arm a friendly pat, offering him a sad smile before sauntering off down the hall to see if she could find Cas.  
  
Dean just stood there after she left, not bothering to turn around and watch her walk away. Her words hit him like a freight train and he was left mulling it all over in his head. She was right. The fucker was completely right.   
  
Castiel was special. He was kind, intelligent, strong. He stuck up for his friends and he didn't let anybody push him around. People like him were rare. And the thought of some smug bastard coming along and wooing Cas made Dean feel jealously pit in his stomach. He wanted to be the one to kiss him stupid. To hold his hand. To make him feel safe and protected. He wanted to hold him and stroke his hair. He was in love, and he doubted that anybody could come close to making his heart pound the way that Cas did. He chewed his bottom lip and finally turned around, walking through the halls with a heaviness weighing in his heart. He needed to go home. He needed to sort his thoughts. There was a lot to think about and he felt like he was suffocating in feelings. This was all so new to him. But he had a choice to make. Let who could be the love of his life go and continue school well liked, popular, untouchable, or say fuck it all and become an outcast, spend the rest of his senior year picked on and mocked but have Cas at his side to let him know it's okay.   
  
It was a tough choice to make, and he had to really think about what he was going to do. Both actions had consequences, pros and cons, and it was no doubt going to be one of the most difficult choices he ever had to make.  
  
OoO  
  
Despite everything, Cas was feeling pretty good. There was the constant nagging in the back of his mind, and the unmistakable clench of his heart. Dean loved him, apparently. But not enough to be seen with him in public. That night, after he got home from school, he couldn't help but to replay the strange and unexpected conversation over and over in his head. The look on Dean's face. The pain. The sincerity.   
  
He wanted to be with Dean, despite everything. It's all he's wanted. But he couldn't believe Dean was truly in love with him if he wanted to keep him a secret. Love didn't work that was. Love made you want to let the world know how happy you were. It made you want to proudly show off the person who stole your heart, and though it was hard to walk away, Cas knew he made the right choice, and so he went to bed that night with a heavy heart but comforted by the fact that he stuck to his morals and didn't let anyone try and change him.  
  
OoO  
  
Feeling marginally better than he had the previous day, Cas went to school still feeling that heaviness in his chest but otherwise he was fine. He could laugh with his friends, get his work done fast and efficiently, and he even managed to comfort another kid who had come to him sometime after first period and confided in him that he was confused about his sexuality. Cas had promised if he wanted to talk after school, he would help him sort his feelings out, and the grateful look the freshman gave him made Cas beam. He was doing something good. He was making a difference.   
  
It helped that he didn't come across Dean all morning. He wasn't at his locker between classes and his Impala wasn't in the parking lot when Cas walked to school that morning. He assumed that Dean was feeling either too embarrassed or too angry to show up that day, and though he was proud of the choice he made, he still felt a little guilty for rejecting Dean. It took guts to come out to someone, even if you were trying to get with the person you were coming out to.   
  
By lunch he was feeling pretty hungry, so he stashed his books in his locker after class and went to the cafeteria, grabbing himself a burger, fries, a soda, and an apple that had no place on a tray with a burger, fries and a soda and headed to his usual table. He figured Jo must have spoke to his group of friends because nobody pestered him about what Dean wanted the previous day, and for that he was thankful.  
  
The cafeteria was always pretty packed, and he figured about half the school was in there, busying themselves by eating and chatting away, happy for the break from learning. He himself was distracted by Garth, who had stolen two of his fries and was making his best attempt at impersonating a walrus by sticking the two fries under his upper lip.   
  
He was laughing at the silliness of it when he Kevin nudged his side with his elbow and nodded his head toward the table of the middle of the cafeteria. 

 

“What the fuck's Winchester doing?” Kevin asked.  
  
Cas just stared in confusion. Dean was climbing onto of the table, clearing his throat loudly. He looked terrified, nervous, even, and Cas noticed that he was holding a sheet of paper, the hand that held it trembling slightly. By that point most of the students in the cafeteria had gone silent, curious over what Dean could possibly be doing.   
  
“Can I have your attention, please?” Dean said loudly, and any remaining students that have been conversing had stopped, averting their eyes to the green eyed boy.   
  
“I uh, I wrote a note. I wanted to read it out loud.” he started, and Cas felt his heart skip a beat when Dean's eyes scanned the room and ended up on him.   
  
“Well this is weird.” he heard Chuck say to Jo, and he couldn't help but to nod in agreement, because yes, it was very strange.   
  
“So uhm, here it goes.” Dean said with a nervous chuckle, breaking Cas from his thoughts.   
  
Everyone was staring at the older Winchester in anticipation. Their schoolmates looked up to him. He was instantly popular since the day they started freshman year. He never met a girl that didn't want to be with him at one point. Never met a guy who didn't want to be him. So to say everyone in the cafeteria was hooked on every word he was saying and giving him their full attention would be an understatement.   
  
Dean took a deep breath and looked down at the paper.   
  
“Dear Anon. It has come to my attention that I've been a friggen dick, and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I fucked up, I know that now. I was so worried what other people would think, what they would say, that I let it get to me and it made me act like a grade A jerk.   
  
I'm not very good at expressing my feelings, I think that's obvious to anyone who knows me. My brother Sammy likes to call me emotionally constipated and I think he's not far from the truth, but uh, I'll give it a shot, anyway.  
  
When I got your first note in my locker, I got this stupid smile on my face. I've had people give me notes before, but the way you spoke, the words you used, it got to me. I tried to ignore it, but eventually it consumed me. It ruined my relationship, because nobody compared to the person who wrote those notes. I started chasing a ghost, and with every new note you wrote me, I fell deeper and deeper.  
  
I was more than content spending the rest of my months at high school chasing girls, having no strings attached. I didn't want a relationship. And I now know that I never wanted to date any of these girls because none of them made my heart pound the way you did.   
  
You're extraordinary. You stand up for what you believe in, and you willingly put your own ass on the line to protect the people you care about and that's more than I can say for myself.   
  
When I found out who you were, I freak out. I panicked. But I had a good friend point out to me that you're the only person to ever make me feel so appreciated, so loved, and my stubbornness could end up making me lose out on my chance to have something real, something worth stepping outside of my comfort zone for. It was that day I realized I was in love with you.  
  
I made a mistake when I spoke to you yesterday. You're fucking amazing. You're everything I've ever wanted in a partner. You're strong, you're smart, and man, you're beautiful. Like, on the inside and the outside and shit. You're a good person and I should have never asked to hide you. If anybody has a problem with my feelings for you, they can suck my dick. They don't matter. You do.   
  
Please give me a chance. I can be the person you described in those notes. I promise. I won't let you down. Because, fuck. I love you.” Dean read, folding the piece of paper and shoving it in his pocket.   
  
Cas stared up at him, his eyes pricking with tears. He felt like time stood still when Dean jumped off the table and headed over to him, his friends all staring in confusion and him in both anticipation and nervousness, they eyes of their schoolmates glued to him.   
  
He swallowed thickly when Dean approached, reaching down to grab his hand and pull him up, and he was too dumbfounded to resist, so he stood, a little surprised when Dean didn't release his hand when he was upright.   
  
“I made a mistake, I should have never treated you the way I did. Give me a chance. I love you, Castiel Novak. I love you so much it's driving me crazy. I don't care what anyone has to say about it, okay? Please tell me you'll let me be yours.” Dean pleaded, releasing Cas' hand and bringing them up to cup Cas' cheeks, a thumb stoking lightly against his cheekbone.   
  
Cas stared at Dean, blue eyes bleeding into green, his heart pounding a mile a minute. Was this even real life? He would have never in a million years expected Dean Winchester come out to not only him, but to the entire school. Dean was giving up everything to be with him. Complete with a grand romantic gesture. He had put his ass on the line for a lot of people and while his friends always defended him and stood by him, nobody had ever put their ass on the line for him the way Dean just did. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and he felt a stray tear roll down his cheek and onto Dean's hand.   
  
“I love you too, Dean. I would be honored to be with you” he said, his voice coming out as a whisper.   
  
The look on Dean's face was one he'd never forget. He looked elated. His green eyes brightening and a grin breaking out on his face, and before he could take in that beautiful expression, a pair of warm, plump lips were on his, gasps filling the cafeteria.   
  
He didn't care about anyone else in that moment, his own hands coming up to rest on Dean's waist, pouring everything he had into the kiss.   
  
Along with the gasps and buzz of shocked people talking about them, some in awe and others in disgust, he heard someone's chair scrape against the floor followed by a set of hands clapping. He went to pull away from the kiss to investigate but Dean pulled him back in, kissing him even harder. Soon, one person clapping turned into two, and then four, and before he knew it, there was a loud roar of applause for them, and at that moment he knew what real happiness was. Not only did he get the guy but he assumed that Dean's influence on the school greatly helped in the acceptance of gay and lesbian students, and deep inside, he knew that things were only going to go up from there. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are at the end. I hope you guys found the conclusion satisfying. I love you all for sticking with me and giving me encouragement and support. I would have never finished this if it wasn't for you guys so thank you. :')


End file.
